Just A Fading Memory

5

CC

"You think you'll be okay alone if I quickly go get you some food?" Jake started walking towards the door.

"No!" I shouted. Jake stopped dead in his tracks. "Sorry. Don't know where that came from." I blushed madly embarrassed.

"No need to be embarrassed. I understand." Jake smiles and went back to my side. I blew some hair out of my face and it fell right back into my face. I huffed and Jake chuckled before slowly reaching over and brushing the hair from my face. I bit my lip and felt my face reddened. Jake was staring at me.
"Perfect." He muttered still smiling.

Oh God. I looked around the room, at my clothes, anything but Jake's eyes. Jake put his finger under my chin and forced me to look him in the eye.

"Don't look away Christian. I like looking at your eyes." I swear to God if he doesn't kiss me right now, i'll fucking punch him in the throat.......wait. Where did that come from?

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Kiss me." I said softly. I don't know why but I got insane courage to ask that and hoped Jake wouldn't humiliate me by saying no. To my pleasant surprise Jake nods and closed the gap between us and kissed me. That's it. This is what I want to do everyday. I kissed back and he started pulling me up to where I was sitting again. My arms were still hanging at my sides but I didn't care. Jake's hands ran into my hair. Jake pulled away and smiled. "That was......." I started but was hit with extreme dizziness. My head and stomach both felt very hollow and I fell forward on Jake. I didn't faint but I may as well have. I. Need. Food.......Now.

"Christian!......." Jake shook me.
I groaned and my stomach answered for me by making a very loud sound.
"I'll be right back with food." He rushed out of the room after laying me back down. I looked up at the ceiling. Was the room spinning? I groaned again and closed my eyes relieving some of the dizziness.

"I got you food baby." Jake said coming back in the room. I opened my eyes and immediately felt I was gonna puke. Nope, keeping them closed.

"Open up. It's a sandwich by the way."
It could've been chopped liver for all I cared, I was way past the point of being picky. Mmmmm.....the ever classic PB&J.  I finished it in no time at all.

"Did you want more?" Yes! I could eat a million horses right now. I nodded and Jake fed me more and more.

"That's all I got. I could get more if you want?"
"No I don't wanna-...."

"You haven't eaten in about a month. It's okay."

"I'm fucking fine." I opened my eyes. God, that light. Every fucking time. I threw up my arm to shield my eyes without even thinking about it.

"That goddamn light." I grumbled. Jake went and closed the door and then took a seat again by my bed.

"Well I see you can lift your arms now. Also the doctor saw all the food I brought up and said if you ate all of it and took it easy that you'd be well enough to be left alone for the evening."

"Finally. I believe I was cut off earlier but I was trying to say I really love kissing you. It felt so natural like I've done it a........thousand........times." I drug out the last two words as I frowned. A memory had resurfaced and just as I was trying to focus it slipped away. It was so infuriating. Like I was grasping for something that wasn't there.
"Damnit!"  I held my head and cringed in pain. It actually hurt to try and remember.

"Whoa there. I know that face, don't try and force the memories Christian. They'll come back in time. Just relax okay baby?" He kissed my cheek making me blush. I got really tired and mad. No I can't go back to sleep I just had a month of it I shouldn't need anymore. Naturally my body won out of my head and I laid on my side facing Jake.

"You tired?"

"Yeah." I rubbed my eyes. "Can you do me a favor and not think of me weirdly?"

"I would never Christian! And anything what is it?"

"Matt usually......no it's stupid. I'm sure I can sleep without it."

"No you won't. What is it? Read to you? Stay with you till you fall asleep? Knowing him he probably doesn't leave until you wake up again."

"All of that except reading. He sings to me and holds me but you don't have to. I need to toughen up anyways." I stripped off his sweatshirt going cold turkey on this.

"Christian I understand, you don't have to act tough around me. Not given what you've been through."

"No I need this." I held the hoodie out to Jake.

"You sure you can handle this?" Jake had his hand on the hoodie.

"Yeah why you ask?"

"Because you've got his sweatshirt in a death grip." Jake says and let's go of it. I immediately pulled it back and hugged it to my chest.
"I'm such a wuss. I can't even let go of a stup-.....of this." I couldn't bring myself to call it stupid. Yes Matt wasn't here but I couldn't live without him just yet. How fucking weak that makes me look.

Jake got in the bed with me and held me close. "Shhh.....it's okay to hang on to what is comforting or makes us feel safe. What you needed was security and Matt gave you that. So it's perfectly normal to cling to him during this time." He pried the sweatshirt from my fists and helped me put it back on before he went back to holding me. "Is this how Matt does it?"

"Yeah." It was different being in Jake's arms rather then Matt's; not only because the obvious Jake wasn't Matt, but also the feeling of being just as safe with him, a guy I've really only know a couple of days, as I was with Matt, a guy I've known for four years. I may not believe that me and Jake have been dating, but one thing I can tell you is that I wouldn't really mind spending the rest of my life with Jake. I smiled at the thought.

"You should really sleep if your tired Christian."

"Okay. Don't leave me."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Jake answered and I tried to sleep.