Dear Freya,

4

(A/N So I promise this gets less depressing)

"Hey there strangers!" I addressed my friends right before first period. "Hello!" Wisteria replied perky as ever. "Someone's in a good mood." Nathan noticed. "Oh you didn't hear?" Arizona cut in. "Hear what?" He questioned. "Well, Jayden just asked me out." Wisteria proclaimed happily while handing me a cup of coffee she picked up on the way to school earlier.

"I'm still lost," Nathan started, "what happened with Sophie?" Us girls looked at him in disbelief and laughed, "Sophie is so two weeks ago." I stated taking a sip out of my coffee.  "Yeah, she already had a girlfriend on the down low." Wisty backed me up. "Yeah, my bad, I'm going to catch up with Luke, I'm pretty sure he just passed us." Nathan said as he more than gladly walked out of our girl talk. My heart raced every time Luke was mentioned, to be completely honest, me and him kinda hooked up a while back, we were both super drunk and I'm sure he doesn't remember it. Well, I hope he doesn't, I haven't mentioned it, and he hasn't brought it up.

"Yikes, look at the time, I got to get to first." Wisty waved us off. "Kisses!" Me  and Arizona replied in unison. "So..." Arizona gave me an innocent smile,  which I knew held a devious agenda.  "Soooo?" She rolled her eyes knowing that I wasn't catching on, "Your birthday, Dumb ass." I laughed, "You mean the one in two weeks?" "Yes, of course! What are we doing?" I fiddled with my bleach blond hair, "Um, I'm not sure, like I said it's in two weeks." "I got it!" Arizona nearly screeched, "House party, but like not trashy of course, lets make it fancy as fuck." I looked at her angrily, "If you keep screaming like that I'm not going to make it to my 16th birthday." I waited until my heart stopped racing and my eardrums stopped ringing, "Where would we even host that?" She playfully slapped me upside the head, "I don't know, maybe the mansion you live in?" Ari gave me a duh expression.  Just as I was about to reply the warning bell rang, "Oh what a shame, looks like I have to go." I said with mock disappointment. "Hey, we will continue this later!" She screamed after me.

After an extremely boring first period, it was time for theater. I usually don't participate as much as my teacher would like me to, but honestly, she wouldn't want me participating in the musical, I have the worst voice.

I arrived into the auditorium and walked into back stage to help set up the props for next weeks musical. "Hey girl!" A preppy, familiar voice chimed in. I rolled my eyes then turned around, "Hey, Bailey, shouldn't you be practicing?" She gave me a sickly sweet smile, "and miss seeing your super cute outfit today?" She paused between the super and cute. Bitch. "Aw, if I knew you were going to look at it today I would have maybe worn real clothes and not my pajamas." I stated staring her in the eye. "Oh honey, you wear sweats to bed?" She laughed, "I feel bad for your boyfriend- oh wait, you're single right." I laughed bitterly, "Why are you here?" She flipped her annoying perfect brown hair over her shoulder and sighed, "Someone's waiting for you in the main office, I don't know." She shrugged and left.

I made my way to the main office wondering who it could be. When I arrived I saw it was my dad, which was extremely unusual, being that I barely see him when He's home let alone in public. "Hey Freya," he was texting who I assume was a business partner, "I have some news." He didn't look up from his phone. "What is it?" I walked closer to him, testing if he'll look up now, he doesn't. "Right, it's about your grandma Mabel," he finally looks up for a brief second, "she died a few hours ago."

I blinked a few times trying to process what he said, the way he said it. He just stated it as though he was telling me what was for dinner. "Grandma's dead?" He sighed and put his phone away. "Yes, she had an aneurysm, one of her maids found her." His phone chirped and he went back on it. Asshole. "What are we going to do?" I felt the tears begin to pool up in my vision, making it blurry. "Good question, we'll probably just have a small funeral." My eye began to twitch, "Are you not fazed by this, she was your mother." My voice laced with venom. "Freya, I am far too busy to be fazed by this, she lived a nice long life." Anger had already risen up from my feet to my head threatening to boil over, "I hope you die, and wherever you are, most likely hell by the way," I took a deep breath, "you see me laughing and smiling being too busy to care about your death." He clenched his hand around his phone, "Freya that is extremely inappropriate." I laughed, no humor in it. "Dad, please don't talk to me again." I turned around and walked back to theater, fuming with anger. I wish I could say this wasn't a daily occurrence, but I'd be lying. I wish I could say I knew my parents loved me, but I would be lying. My grandmother was the only one in the family who cared, the only one who didn't just think of me as a waste of money. And now I found out she's dead, like this? My father, her son, not even giving a damn. He disgusts me, selfish pig.

I spent the rest of the day going through the motions, the longer time went on the more pain I felt, overwhelming pain. It was now lunch time and I saw my friends, all but Luke, sitting at their table having what seemed to be a debate, we had those frequently.

They're having fun, just leave.

I listened to the voice inside my head and decided to go off campus, I had two more periods, didn't matter anyway.

I pulled my matte black jeep into a 7/11 and ran inside to the bathroom. While in the bathroom I realized something,  I realized that I'm broken. There was no fixing me, my grandma could, there's no hope in that anymore. I was now alone in this world, of course I had my friends, I always did, but there's still a line I won't cross. There was him... he left, everyone left.
I should leave.

I looked down at my bag, I saw them. My little happy pills, maybe I could just take a few more than usual, I'll be happier. I took a look in the mirror again and forced a smile, almost like I did everyday.  They were high dosage so it was only recommended that I take one, but I really don't feel like living, death would make me happier. I could be with Mabel, she would take me in, I would feel safe. Maybe I should take four, I like the number.

I poured out four pills into my hand and stared at them a while. My life began flashing before my eyes then, was it worth it, any of this? I recalled my family life, was it worth it? No.
I swallowed a pill.
My school life, was it worth it? No.
I swallowed a pill.
My endless suffering due to Colton? Was it worth it? No.
I swallowed a pill.
My friends, were they worth it? ... I paused, would they be happier without me?

Just when I was about to make my decision the door handle jiggled. A male's voice rang out, "Hey is someone in there? I kinda have to take a shit, I've been waiting for like ten minutes!"  Oh, I'm in the family stall. I stood there for a solid minute my heartbeat rising, I snap out of the trance like state I was in.

Stop, don't cry, wait till you get in the car, don't throw up yet, wait. I walk over to the door, every step echoing off the moldy floors, the farther I step the more I realize I don't want to die, especially in a 7/11 bathroom. My shaky hand is on the door handle when I start to lose my shit, I just took 3 pills, my grandma wouldn't want this. No one would.  I fling the door open tears streaming down my face, immediately feeling bad for the guy who's about to shit his pants. "Freya?" An all too familiar voice inquires.

"Luke?" My voice cracks in disbelief. "Freya what the hell?" He looked at me like he had just seen a ghost. Which is what I'm about to be if I don't throw up these damn pills. I push my pride aside and "calmly" tell Luke what happened. Oh and if you couldn't guess, by calmly I meant in the most frantic way possible. "Luke, you need to help me, I'm really really upset and I thought I didn't want to live anymore so I took some pills, like three, and I change my mind, I don't know what I was thinking, please help!" He blinked a few times trying to process everything that just came out of my mouth, then it clicked. His eyes grew ten times wider, "wait okay so do you need to go to the hospital? I can drive you, you know what just get in my car, I'll take a shit later."

He hauls me off the ground and drags me to his old Honda Civic. "Put on your seatbelt now." He demands. Right when the seatbelt part is about to click he slams on the gas causing me to launch into the dashboard. "Oh shit, my bad." He said completely out of his element. "You should be damn lucky that there's a hospital nearby, and the fact that I'm running every red light." he states forcibly as he swerves out of the way of an incoming car.

"Do you have any bags?" I ask urgently. "I, uh, I don't know. No?" Damn it Luke, well I guess he can't be mad with what I'm about to do next.  "Why do you need a bag?" He looks over for a second and witnesses me rolling down the window. "Wait what are you doing, Freya please don't, I just got my baby and-" I cut him off with a quick "sorry" and proceed to shove a finger down my throat. I vomit up all the contents in my stomach, since I didn't have breakfast and skipped lunch it was mostly acid. Okay I know it's gross but I'm dying, I gotta do what I gotta do. "Luke, you might want to take this to a car wash later." He flipped me off while skillfully pulling up into the hospital. I'm honestly impressed that he's joking around with me even after he knows what I did, or what I tried to do.

"Get out and let me carry you." He swings the car door open forcibly. "I can walk." I stared at him with a duh look. "Yeah, no shit Sherlock, just let me look like the hero that I am." He pulls me out of the car with out my consent and carried me bridal style into the hospital.

I can't believe I actually slept with this moron.