I Never Knew

Making them go away

Shizuo wakes to the morning sun drifting through his window, illuminating the dust flying around the room because of the soft breeze blowing in through the open glass. He lays there for a few minutes, not hearing anything but the tweets of the birds outside in the courtyard. 'Maybe it all stopped. Maybe they're gone.' he thinks to himself.

"Wrong!" he hears the voice invade the privacy of his mind. It's the man. The last thing the blonde was hoping to hear. The man chuckles. "That's right, Shizuo. I'm still here. And I will be forever! We'll be the best of friends, trust me!" 

"No!" Shizuo yells "Get out of my head! Leave me alone!" The reply is a very dark chuckle from the man who Shizuo still doesn't know his name. 

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Shizuo. Hahaha"

Then, a voice that the blonde does't mind hearing comes into his head. "Shizu-chan..." it says "Aren't you glad that I'm here with you?"

"Izaya" the bartender says "You aren't here. You're gone, and you're not coming back." A tear slips from his eyes as he thinks about the life he'll live in the future. Insane, and without Izaya. He gets up and does his normal morning routine, ignoring the voices as much as possible in the process. He gets ready and leaves his apartment. He needs to tell someone about the voices, but the only person he can think of to tell is Simon. So, he heads in the direction of Russia Sushi. He stays in the shadows as much as he can on his walk. He doesn't want to see the city he's lived in for so long, now empty of Izaya's presence. He treks along, with the voices still  swirling around in his head. He wishes dearly that they'd stop. Even Izaya's. 

He had just turned into an alley and walked halfway down it when the voices got to be too much to handle. "SHUT UP!!" he yells, startling a couple walking past the alley in front of him. They turn to see the blonde with his head between his hands and his eyes closed tight, face scrunched in anger. They quickly move on, not wanting to get involved. 

Shizuo kneels on the ground, head still in his hands, and bawls. "Why am I crazy? What happened to me?!" he cries out, tears now steadily flowing from his eyes and down his face. He wants it to end. He wants the voices to go away. He can't take it any longer. Especially hearing Izaya and knowing he isn't really there. He doesn't even know what to do. He cries for a minute out of helplessness, but soon gets an idea. 

"Izaya...." he says, shivering even though it's not cold in the least "I will be with you, no matter what." He stands and gathers himself up before walking to the left, to the wall of the building beside him.

"No" he hears Izaya cry in his head.

"Shut up, flea." Shizuo says harshly "You're not even real. You can't stop me anymore."

"I never could in the first place" is the soft reply, sending a pang of sadness through Shizuo's chest. He reaches out for something on the wall in front of him. A metal ladder. He places a foot on the bottom bar and begins to climb. Scaling the wall seems like it takes an eternity to the blonde. He fears what he's about to do, but knows he has no choice. He has to do this to be rid of the voices floating around inside his head. 

He climbs the ladder, hand by hand, and foot by foot. Eventually, he makes it to the top and drags himself onto the roof, high above the ground. The only thing on the roof is a door leading into the building and a small greenhouse, filled with plants of many colors. The roof is surrounded by a short wall that comes up to Shizuo's thighs. Easy to get over. He steps closer to the edge, dreading what comes next, but also wishing to speed things along. He looks over to see cars and people far below on the street, milling about like tiny ants. The blonde bartender gets dizzy and backs away, shutting his eyes. When he feels better, after a few seconds, he sits down on the wall and watches his beloved city below.

The building he's on is one of the tallest ones around that area, so he can see for miles. He can even see his apartment from where he sits atop his perch. He's been in this exact spot before. To take in his city, ponder what to do about his crazy life. He had even run into Izaya up here a few times. Izaya. He almost forgets why he is here.

Shizuo stands up on the wall and looks down one last time, taking it all in. Then, he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and turns around, back to the busy city below him. He breathes deeply, wondering for just a second if he can really do this, but he reminds himself it's what he has to do. So, he stretches his arms out wide to either side of him, and slowly falls backwards.