Howler

Chapter XI

When we got to the pack house - everyone was still. No commotion, no chao...just silence. As we all stepped into the main room where the pack had met I spotted Evie in the crowd, tears running down her cheeks and Jem holding her hand. For the first time in my life I couldn't place who wasn't there, the person who had died I couldn't figure out who it was and that broke me.

Did I even know my people?

I was had felt numb as I got dressed, I didn't know if I should wear black so I settled on a grey baby doll dress but even still I felt like a fraud. My father stepped up onto the podium - a makeshift thing which we only pulled out every so often. "Last night a wolf attacked one of our own... Stanley Kohl" I heard a gasps through the room, Stanley was a well respected member of the pack and usually kept and balanced  the books for pack funds.

"The wolf is still on the large, we still have not identified if this wolf is apart of a pack or a rogue but we do know this wolf is extremely dangerous and hostile.... unfortunately I  do not  have any more information. A memorial will be held in Stanley's honour tomorrow..." the words became muted as I remembered something, that wolf...

The wolf from the forest wanted to find another play thing, everyone knew that Stanley liked to jog every night. His death was one of opportunity because the other one was ruined.

This was my fault.

All my fault...

The memorial was a somber affair and no one knew how to react. Stanley's wife Paige spoke a few words and so did their daughter Chrissie. I couldn't cry because I was so racked with guilt. I wish I could fix this but I couldn't and somehow that ended up being the worst thing.

---//---//---

The days after I felt like a shell of myself. The next few days felt surreal and one cloudy Wednesday afternoon I stood at my locker during my free period and silently cried.

"Abby?" I turned around to see Harry. I had spoken to him a few times since his injury and the death of Stanley. I noticed his should had healed as the bulk of the bandage as it was no longer visible through his shirt. "Oh hi sorry I was..." I didn't even have an excuse. "I wanted to thank you for the other night...no ones ever taken care of me like that and well I..." he cut himself off by kissing me on the cheek and I stood there stunned as he quickly pulled away.

"Anyway thank you" I was so shocked but I touched my cheek, like a jolt of electricity had passed through me. I didn't understand because I knew he was still with Tia and obviously the pull was having a greater effect but it wasn't enough for him to leave her for me.

At lunch all I could hear were the whispers of homecoming which was now only two weeks away. My pack was trying hard to get over a loss and it was starting to fade for some. "Hey Abby should we go shopping for dresses on Saturday?" Evie asked me as I still felt a little empty. "Yeah I think so...I need a new dress" I laughed lightly.

"Are you bringing Jem?"
"Nah I didn't think he'd want to go to a high school dance but I will see him the day after" she shrugged, I guess I understood because her and Jems relationship was still quite new and I couldn't even tell Evie about the boy I was so desperately in love with.

How did I feel so empty and so lost when I still had so much left?