Jaspar || Why not?

Chapter 10 ~ Feelings

Why? Why was Caspar turned on when he looked at the lovebites he left on Joe? Why did it give him a sort of thrill? A feeling of excitement? ....lust? Is it weird to look at your best friend like that? A best friend who you had told that nothing would change? That those drunken kisses were just that?

Last night Caspar had joked to Joe about how he gave him hickeys because he's more dominant. It was a joke at the time. But now...he couldn't help but feel this weird power over him. And when they kissed Joe didn't seem to mind. Caspar knows they were drunk but the way Joe let him do what he wanted and take full control really turned him on and made him want more.

Caspar had always thought he was straight. He's had a few girlfriends and he's slept with plenty girls to make him think that. But what if he's not? He can't think of any other time when he was attracted to a guy...but Joe...he is definitely a guy. And Caspar is definitely attracted to him.

Fuck. I'm attracted to my best friend. My roommate. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? He can't know. He's only just come out to me and I can't scare him away. Maybe this will all just disappear. Yes. It's just the lust talking. There's no feelings involved. Right?

•  •  •

Joe woke up the next morning feeling oddly cold and uncomfortable. He missed waking up in Caspar's arms. Is that weird? He went to the bathroom to wash his face and saw the hickeys. Still just as obvious as they were yesterday, if not more.

Joe knew he was going out for breakfast with Caspar and Josh so he would have to hide them somehow. But Josh knows he never wears turtlenecks... or scarves.

"Caspar??!!" Joe called out.

"Yeah?"

"What the fuck am I supposed to do about these hickeys? We're meeting Josh in about half an hour!" Joe shouted.

He could hear Caspar laugh and try to cover it up by coughing.

"Just wear a scarf and say you got a cold and don't want to make it worse." He replied finally.

"You think he'll fall for that?"

"Come on. It's Josh. I could secretly be in a relationship and he wouldn't notice." Caspar said.

Why did the thought of Caspar being in a relationship make Joe's heart skip? He's not jealous. Just protective of his best friend that's all.

"You're not? Are you? Um..in a relationship I mean." Joe tried sounding nonchalant and failed.

"No. Who would want to date me?" Caspar said sadly.

"Awh come on mate. You're a real catch. Any girl would be lucky to have ya." Joe said honestly.

He couldn't help but feel his stomach clench at those words.

"Aww Joe. You're only saying that cause you're my best friend."

"I thought Josh was your best friend."

"He's my best friend from school."

"Oh. And I'm your best friend from YouTube?"

"No. You're my best friend full stop."

It felt nice knowing that Caspar preferred him over all his other friends. Joe gave him a warm smile and grabbed a scarf to wrap around his neck.

•  •  •

After breakfast with Josh (at which he thankfully didn't notice Joe's random scarf) they headed to Oli's house to hang out. When they arrived Oli greeted them with his usual friendly smile and welcomed them into his house.

"Beer?" He offered. 

"Oh god no. I'm never drinking again." Joe laughed.

"Yeah right." Caspar said as Oli handed them both a beer and took one himself.

"You guys are a bad influence on me." Joe chuckled as he opened his beer. 

"Joe why are you wearing a scarf?" Oli asked. 

Joe gulped.

"Uh I caught a cold. Don't want to make it worse." He murmured.

"We're inside." Oli raised his eyebrows. 

Caspar had to bite the insides of his cheeks to stop himself from laughing. Joe shook his head.

"Okay you caught me. I got some pretty noticeable hickeys the other day. So I now have to wear this scarf to hide them." Joe admitted.

Caspar smirked. Luckily Oli didn't notice.

"Ooooh who's the girl do I know her?" Oli asked, "must be pretty kinky."

"Eh you don't know her," Joe replied, "and yeah she was very aggressive." 

He raised his eyebrows at Caspar and smirked.

Caspar choked on his beer and Oli shot him a puzzled look but didn't question it.

Then Oli and Caspar started discussing something different and Joe kind of zoned out.

•  •  •

Joe was kind of quiet at Oli's. That was very unlike him. Caspar was worried he'd done something wrong.

He wanted to ask him about it on their way home in the uber but he didn't know how to word it properly.

"Joe are you mad at me?" He blurted out, "I mean like..did I do something wrong? Have I upset you?"

Joe looked up at him shocked.

"What? Of course not. Caspar you'd probably have to kill my family for me to actually be mad at you," he replied, "please don't kill my family though."

Caspar laughed. He was relieved that Joe wasn't mad at him. Or he was very good at hiding his emotions. Something Caspar is not so good at.

When they arrived at their flat it was already dark outside. They were meant to go out but Caspar was too tired and decided to sit this one out.

"Joe!" He called from his room, "I don't think I'm gonna go tonight."

"Why? Are you okay? Are you sick?" Joe sounded concerned.

It was really sweet that Joe was worried about him.

"What? No, don't worry I'm fine. Just tired. Don't think I'd be much fun if I did go. I'd probably fall asleep." Caspar replied.

Joe laughed and walked into Caspar's room.

"Okay then. I'll call Josh and tell him we're not coming." He said.

"Joe you should still go. Don't let me ruin your fun." Caspar told him.

"Oh no, it wouldn't be much fun without you." He smiled.

Caspar felt butterflies in his stomach, because of those words and because of that smile. He smiled back.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah don't worry about it mate. I'm not really feeling up for it myself tonight. We'll just order some food and chill."

Again Caspar couldn't help but smile at Joe's genuine kindness.

Joe is honestly the best friend anyone could ever ask for. And Caspar can't ruin that. He won't ruin that.

I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter. Sorry I haven't updated in a while I've been really busy with school. And omg last week I met Joe!!!!! It was insane. Best day of my life. I went to his book signing and if anyone is wondering, yes he is that perfect in real life 😭😍

Please vote and comment. Lyl xxx