Sanctuary

What Lies Beneath.

There is a monster underneath my sleeping place,
And he comes out in the dark silence to whisper in my ear.

He whispers awful words,
Words that make me ponder.

I open my eyelids,
But I cannot seem to find him.

In the pitch black nothingness, I am asleep,
Until the monster underneath my comfortable resting place comes out.

I ponder over the things he says,
About the way I am imaged,
The faux pases I have made in my previous days,
For I dwell upon my days of shame.

I suddenly perceive all of my wrongdoings,
Day after day, for they seem to add up.

I dislike the visuals that this monster gives me,
For they are etched into my brain,
Like a piece of artwork,
Like a scar in my flesh,
I've become a living canvas,
With many scars that are drawn into my wrists.

My body is bruised,
For the monster who tortures me,
In the darkest of night,
Will not seem to leave.

He tells me there is only one way,
In which I will be unbound to him.

I ask him what I must do,
For a couple dozen capsules is all it takes.

However, there are other ways,
In which I can be free.

He tells me a bullet is all I will need,
Or maybe some water,
For me to soak in forever.

Maybe I can jump,
From the closest Heaven,
Or be crushed by the never-ending wheels,
Holding up vehicles,
Will also do the trick.

I might as well draw harder,
Upon my scarred flesh,
Or I can go limp from a knot.

I tell him I'll succeed,
And for the first time,
He congratulates me in doing something right for once.

I see my mother weep,
Tossing a flower on a stone,
In which my name is carved on.

I see my father looking woefully,
Up above the clouds,
As if searching for someone,
Who ceases to exist.

And I cannot seem to tolerate,
This sudden change in the way I used to roll.

I want to take it all back,
To redo the largest mistake that I have performed,
But it is too late,
For I cannot retrace my actions.

I am trapped in a place,
That is far worse than the monster,
That lived under my bed.