It always feels like I have too many "guys" in my life. That is probably true but it's only because I had the perfect first heart break.
Sounds pretty wrong to say "perfect" but I'd be lying if I said any different. My first real boyfriend taught me everything I needed to know about relationships. He swept me off my feet with every touch and broke me down with every extended truth.
I wasn't his first girlfriend, so maybe I made the same mistakes. Maybe I made new ones. That's something only time will tell and that's okay... it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to cry and feel just a little bit broken. But don't let it rule your life. There's so much to still experience and to live for yet we cease to exist in our bubbles.
My first heart break was perfect because he ruined a good song. He runs across my mind before I can stop it. He jogs my memory when I'm just forgetting and he makes me smile when I don't even realize it.
He also breaks me down without saying a word. He broke me into perfect little pieces of experiences and memories that will never be the same because he was apart of it all. He crushed my sole that night and crushed it again after he broke his promise. The promise to be my friend. That hurt more than breaking up ever could. I lost my best friend. Someone I loved ...
He taught me what love was. The difference of loving someone and being in love. Anybody could make me feel the way he did. He wasn't special to me. He was my first heart break, not my last. He set the standard. He also defined the truth. Showed me what I wanted and who I was with him.
And now I'm me. Just pain and simple assed me. I love my life. Being single does not suck. I can cuddle with whoever the fuck I want whenever I want. I don't need to be in a serious relationship at 17. I get to be 17 and live. I've made more friends in the past year than I ever would have if I was with him. I put my friendships first. Always. Before anything else and I have some of the most incredible people to show for it.
My first perfect heart break taught me to love everybody. And to one day find someone I am IN LOVE with. But for now, to just keep existing and being the best me that I can be with the bestest friends I've made along the way.
Bring on the heart breaks MOFO.
