How Rare and Beautiful // Rilaya

You to Say it All Again

When Maya and I were younger-possibly eight or nine- I remember her staying at my house for a whole week. Her mother was having a hard time finding work and had temporarily lost their apartment. She didn't want Maya to see her struggle, neither did my parents, so we took her in until Katy could find a job and reclaim the house. Of course Maya and I didn't know all of this. We weren't completely oblivious either but we didn't learn the full story until later. 

We'd had weekend sleepover before, of course, but never for a whole week. I was so excited! I remember bossing Auggie who was only a toddler at the time to clean the living room and his room. I even had the guts to demand my parents help me clean the entire house before Maya came over. I made sure everything was totally perfect! It had to be perfect for her. 

I waited anxiously at the door for her arrival. I stood for almost an hour. The door eased open as my friend entered our house as she always did; without knocking. I rushed to her and hugged her. She dropped her stuff and hugged me back. I wish I could say I packed her luggage on me like and mule and just barely made it to my room without dropping anything. However that would be a lie. Maya came with only her pillow, a blanket she'd had since we'd met and a small bag containing her few belongings and a couple outfits. I always pretended that it didn't bother me that she didn't have as much stuff as I did, but that too was a lie. 

I took her few possessions and carried them to my room. 

"So what do you wanna do first?" I asked her.

"I don't know." She answered. 

I wasn't facing her but I could hear the sadness in her voice. 

I turned back. 

"Are you okay?" I asked. 

Maya tired to smile, but gave up. She shook her head no and sat down with a sigh on my bed. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, sitting beside her, rubbing her back like my mom did to me when I was sad. 

"I don't have a house, Riley." Maya sighed. 

"Oh..." I hadn't been told. Neither had Maya but she overheard her mother make the call to my parents. "Why not?"

"My mom lost it! That's all she ever does! She loses things!" Maya yelled with tears falling down her cheeks. 

I didn't know what to say so I pulled the broken girl into a hug and caressed her hair as she cried. 

She didn't say anything else about it after she calmed down, and I couldn't find the words to say to her. Maya still looked sad when she sat up and so I searched my mind to find some way to make her happy. And then I remembered it. I remembered what my mom always did to make my dad happier when he was sad. 

I took Maya's face in my hands and gently pressed our young lips together. I pulled away like it was nothing and smiled. Maya however stared at me stunned. She touched her lips, wide-eyed. 

"Do you feel happier?" I asked. 

Maya just stared at me. 

"You kissed me?" She asked. 

"That's what my mom does to make my dad feel better." I reasoned. 

She smiled half halfheartedly and nodded. 

"Yea, I do feel happier!" She smiled. 

My heart warmed. Oh that smile. How had I never noticed its beauty before. I sucked in the familiar euphoria it brought on me like a smoker drags a cigarette. I took her slender hand in mine and continued to stare into her icy blue eyes. 

That's where the memory ends. I remember bits and pieces of her stay. I remember her crying a lot and me kissing her to make it stop. I remember feeling hate for myself because I wanted her to cry so I could join our lips once again. I craved it like an addict craves a hight. 

Even when she returned to her mother who had moved in with Maya's grandmother, Maya and I shared these feel better kisses. 

They didn't last long though. 

 Once, about a year after our first time, we were sitting in the bay window sharing about our days. Maya had had a particularly bad day and was yet again crying on my lap. Like we'd become accustomed to doing, I wiped away her tears and kissed her lightly. But this time when we parted we didn't smile contently and go about our day. Maya took my hand in hers and kissed me back. I thought then it was to make me feel better. A sort of 'I'm sorry for always having bad days.' But this was not our usual light peck. Maya lingered. I wondered if she was ever going to pull away, but at the same time something in me didn't want her to. I'd seen my mom and dad share these types of kisses as well. And as we sat in the bay window Maya's kiss showed me my future. And when I looked into it I saw myself as my father and I saw Maya as my wife. 

"MOMMY!!!" Auggie screamed in my doorway. Maya jumped in fright and we both turned to face my younger sibling. 

"RILEY AND MAYA ARE KISSING!!!" He ran out of my room screaming. 

"Auggie!" I called after him. I didn't want my parents to know. I stood up, but I knew it was already too late. I turned back to look at Maya. She was frozen in fear. She stared up at me with frightened eyes. 

"Hey, hey it'll alright." I soothed her, sitting beside her again. "They'll understand. It was just to make you feel better." I smiled, but Maya seemed a little hurt by this even though she nodded her understanding. 

A second later my parents were drug into the room by my little brother. 

"They were kissing!" He screamed, pointing at us. 

"Is it true?" My dad asked me seriously. 

"Yes, but-" I started. 

"Riley!" My mom yelled. 

"It was just to make her feel better!" I argued. "You kiss daddy when he's sad!" 

My mom was getting fired up and was getting ready to start yelling at me when my dad stepped towards us and knelt down in front of me. 

"Yes we know. But your mom and I are married. We're also adults. You're too young to be kissing anyone. Can you think of another way to make Maya feel happy?" He explained. 

I nodded.

My dad kissed my forehead and then my friend's. He left the room, taking my mom and brother with him. 

Of course I made it a point to never break any of my parent's rules so Maya and I had stopped our feel better kisses. We found other ways to comfort each other, but nothing ever felt quite the same as her kiwi lips glossing over mine. 

I let out quiet tears as I thought of those days. I thought of the years that passed and how the craving for her kisses increased with time. There were so many times I wanted to disobey my parents but I didn't. I told myself that when we were older we'd be able to kiss as much as we wanted. As I got older I learned that it wasn't socially acceptable for Maya and I to kiss. So I shoved the thought of her being my wife down but it always resurfaced. Maya always knew more about these things than I did. I assumed she too thought it was bad for us to kiss and regretted what we did it as kids. So I hid my love from her thinking she would hate me. And I could never live with her hating me. 

I am sooooo sorry for my inactivity! I started going to public school this year and I haven't had very much time to write. I promise I will update more often. Thank you guys for reading! I'm glad you like it!

~Anna