I put the knife on my arm and started to cut. I don't care about the illnesses anymore. I'm not trying to stop cutting or starve myself since there is no thing to live for.
I just want to hurt myself. maybe I feel better after that. I couldn't help it. I was getting back to my old ways. I hated Marcia, I hated Grayson and most of all I hated myself.
How could you be so stupid. Everybody said it so many times. 'Grayson is a fuck boy' and 'Grayson will cheat if he gets a girlfriend.' I knew it, yet I didn't listen.
What is wrong with me and why keep I doing the wrong things and make the wrong choices. I hate it.
I heard Jayden coming home and I hid my knife. "Mayra?" He yelled from downstairs. I heard footsteps on the stairs and I sat down on my bed. "Mayra?" I asked and knocked on my door.
"Come in." I said and I realised that I really sounded upset. "What is going on? I heard the whole school talking about you." He said and I sighed.
"Nothing is going on." I said as I wiped a tear away. "I know something is wrong with you." Jayden said. "I'm depressed, you know that." I said as I tried to hide my heartbreak.
I knew that if he heard what Grayson did, he would totally flip. I didn't want more drama then it already was. "I swear if it is Grayson the-" He started and I cut him of. "Nothing happened Jayden." I said and I look at the ground.
"Mayra you can tell me everything, I don't want you to feel more sad than you already are." He said and waited for a second.
"But if you don't want to talk about it then please let me hug you." He said after that and I knew he was worried. I pulled me in his arms and I couldn't help it I just cried. I feel like a loser because I cried so much.
I haven't had a hug of my brother in a long time. It always let me feel a little better. Jayden and I could cuddle for hours when we were younger. "I love you Mayra." He said and now I knew for sure I couldn't stop crying anymore.
Someone loves me.
"Promise you won't get mad?" I asked. He let go of me. "I don't know what happened, I can't promise anything." He said and I didn't know if I had to say it or not.
"Grayson.. He-" I said and paused. "He what?" Jayden asked and I wiped my tears away. "We broke up." I said. "Why?" He said as he furrowed his eyebrows.
"I don't know we just broke up." I lied because I knew he would fight Grayson if he heard what Grayson did. "Just broke up?" He asked because he didn't believed that.
I nodded and looked away. "I don't believe that." He said. "Well we just broke up that's why I'm sad." I said and I laid down on my bed. I turned my head to the wall and stared at it.
"Should I tell dad?" He asked as he laid his hand on my shoulder. I nodded and closed my eyes. I cried myself to sleep even though it was 3 PM.
-----
"Sweetheart wake up." My dad sat on my bed and I opened my eyes. "Skylar is downstairs." He said as he kissed my head.
"Wash your face you look like a panda." He tried to joke but I immediately thought about the first hangout date of me and Grayson.
~~
I put a ponytail in my hair and he took his jeans off.
"Now run!" I yelled and ran into the water. He didn't realise that he should run until I started to run. "cannonball!" I yelled as I jumped in the sea.
He let himself fall in the water after running for a while. "Oh no my mascara!" I laughed.
"You look like a panda." He said as he tried to get my mascara away. "Have you've ever kissed a panda?" I asked when I slowly came closer. My hands touched his cheeks.
~~
