This was the first time we were going to be separated during a competition. It all felt weird and surprisingly different. Yakov and I didn't really talk to each other, which made my uneasiness grow.
Yurio went before me and gave him a chance to get ahead of me in points. It was nerveracking for me to wish that I do qualify for the Grand Prix final. It was all on me to see if I pass or go home.
It was stressful to know the Viktor was in Japan to be with his cute poodle. I wasn't able to be there for Vicchan when he passed. That made me binge eat and gain weight during the season.
To me, losing Vicchan was like me losing more confidence within myself and the hole before became deeper. I really did want to come back to figure skating but, I didn't know how.
That Russian man named Viktor helped me. I didn't think that the video of me skating Viktor's program would inspire the prince of the figure skating world. That night when Viktor decided to stay at my house, I felt like it was a dream.
Like a dream every fan has of their idols coming to live under the same roof. To see them everyday and be able to communicate. To build a relationship with the individual that you have been looking up to.
That's what I wanted at the beginning. To build a friendship between me and Viktor. Though I realized that it would not be possible if I fell in love him and that seemed to make the world become a better place.
"Viktor. Are you really content with me being your lover? Or are you just with me to get sex? That doesn't seem like you but then, I don't know much about you."
