The Forgotten Past

Chapter 14

Blake

Grace
Such a beautiful name. Full of peace, beauty and elegance. It soft as a cloud that it could just disappear if you would not pay attention but full of life at the same time. It suits her just perfectly. Like someone knew exactly how she was going to be. Her mom is the first thing that comes to my mind. Was it her idea naming her Grace? What was her mother like? What things did they share? The same laugh, the same care for others? What was her last thought when she drove off of that bridge? What happened to-
I snap back to reality as I feel Grace shift slightly against my chest. My thoughts are drifting a hundred different directions while I'm holding her in my arms. What is she doing to me? Her warm petite body is pressed against my chest while I'm enveloping her in my arms. I don't want to let her go, ever.
She slowly pushes her body away for mine and I instantly feel the coldness of the autumn breeze hit me from the open window.
My hand slowly makes its way up on her cheeks and as our skin connects her eyes gaze up at me and I can't help but notice the pain in her eyes. She thinks it's unnoticeable but these past few weeks I have learned to read her. But the pain...I want to take it all away, but I can't. My hand stops it's movement on her soft cheek and all my focus is on her eyes. The pain in Grace's deep sea green eyes is visible and they are looking at me when I see something change in them. The fear and sadness are gone and now replaced by something different.
"I need to go home,'' she says with a stiff, low and almost emotionless voice. She stands up from the bed and begins walking straight toward the door. I can't let her leave like this. She's struggling and she is pushing me away. I can't let her do that, for her own good. "Grace I'll go with you. It will be-''
"Okay?" she says in a sarcastic voice and I can tell that her feeling just hit a whole different level. "Are you going to say that it's going to be okay? That everything will be the same? No Blake, it won't! It never will. Everything is ruined. My father is a killer. Because of him your parents and- and my mom are death! How can you just say that it's going to be okay Blake?'' Grace scowls at me.
My parents. I never got to know what caused the crash. I just thought it was an accident. No further thoughts went into it because that would be too painful and I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to deal with that pain. I tried to live on. Because looking back brings up too much pain. But now after such a long time finding out that there is someone who is responsible for it makes me go mad. Plus the fact that it's Grace's father makes it even worse. I should hate her. Shouldn't I?
God, how is someone supposed to tell what's right and wrong when life isn't on his side?
She can't keep calm anymore. It all just bursts out of her. All the anger. All the sadness.
She is furious and I can see her body shaking from the anger. But she's stong and doesn't want it to affect her.
Grace turns back around and starts walking off but I'm right behind her and I grip her arm with my hand. "I won't let you do this alone Grace,'' I say, and I mean every single word of it.
There is something about her and due to that I can't let go of her. I need her. God I couldn't be more selfish in this situation.
She is looking up at me with bog eyes while keeping her face empty from emotions and without saying a word. It drives me crazy, why won't she say anything?
Maybe we just need to get home and get a good night of sleep, waking up fresh minded.
If it only could be that easy, but life doesn't work like that. Every single day is a new battle. And we fight our way through it because it's the only we can do. But when we no longer can keep going, we break down.
Those moments are the hardest ones in the whole battle. But when we come back we're stronger then ever.

I drive my car back home with Grace in it. She didn't say a single word during the ride which was okay. Was is there to say anyways? Sometimes speaks the loudest.
I didn't say anything either because I couldn't find the right thing to say.

When we finally arrived at my house, which felt like it took an eternity, Gran stood in the doorway with Ava beside her. Ava's hands were covered in, what looked like cookie dough or cake, and a smile spread on her lips.
"Ava, we're going home,'' said Grace to her. The smile on her face immediately disappeared. I smile to myself because I can tell that Ava had a good time with Gran, everyone likes her. She gave Gran a big hug and then, with washed hands walks to Grace.
Grace and Ava walked off and I just watched, just stood there as they both walked away.
The thing is, that I can't seem to stay away from Grace. Maybe she doesn't want my help, but deep down she knows that she needs it.
Mom was always like that.
When something was wrong or she was sad she just shut everyone out and didn't want any help. It drove dad crazy, but I remember that he was always there for her even if she didn't want him. At the end that was the thing what helped. God, I miss them both so much.
But life isn't always the way it's supposed to be, or the way we want it. Life takes its own way and we just have to follow because it's the only thing we have left.
I'm lying on the couch replaying everything from today while Gran's in the kitchen making diner. She will definitely ask me about Grace and what has happened.
Eddie is sleeping beside me on the carpet while I'm petting him.
I couldn't be more thankful for Gran and Eddie. They are my family now and I won't be leaving them anytime soon.
"Blake, love, come over here and have some dinner with me,'' gran says and I automatically stand up and walk to the dinner table in the kitchen which automatically makes me happier.

"Her father caused the car accident? She was the girl you carried out of that car?'' gran ask me with her eyes wide after me explaining everything to her. She's handling this allot better than I expected. Finding out after so many years that your daughter was killed in a car crash and that it wasn't an accident must be tough. But she's such a strong woman with a big heart filled with love.
"Yes Grace's father, James Kaywen. That's why Ava was here today, Grace couldn't leave her alone at home and she wasn't ready to tell. Her dad, he is responsible for Grace's mom driving off of a brigde. How can she tell something like that to Ava? She shouldn't go through something like this and neither should Grace. I want to help her Gran but...she's so stubborn she doesn't want my help. And I can't seem to leave her alone. I- I should I hate or at least feel something in the way of hate shouldn't I? ''
"It's not her fault Blake and you should not hate her. It's good that you care about her don't you dare to think otherwise,'' says gran while with a calm voice, "you remember how your mom was don't you?'' When she sees the understatement on my face she grins a little and continuous, "she needs you and she knows it but won't admit it. The best thing you can do is be there for her.''
Gran always knows what to do and she's right. Grace is just as mom was.
So stubborn, but so loving.
God if I'm not careful I may fall in love with her-
No I can't let that happen, it is- wrong right?
How I'm supposed to know what to do?
"Don't be so hard on yourself, I see that you struggle but there is no need for that right now,'' Gran says and it feels as if she's reading my mind. She's always right. She makes everything sound so easy even when it isn't.
I stand up from the table and give her a tight hug.
I wouldn't be able to do this or anything without her.
In a few moments I find myself on the street in the coldness of the dark night with my mind only thinking about one thing. I won't let her go.