The Forgotten Past

Chapter 16

Grace

I can't believe all that's happening right now.
It's close to midnight and Blake's arms are holding me close to him while I let myself cry. I let it all out because holding it back isn't working anymore. Faking it. Yes, that's what I had been doing and it hurts more than admitting the truth. The thing I don't understand it how Blake can keep so strong through all of this. He hasn't cried a single tear, he hasn't let his emotions get the better of him. As for me...I am a mess. He just found out that my father caused the death of his parents, so how can he keep so calm, relaxed even? What is it that makes him so strong? What gives him the power that seems like he could safe the world? And why would he want to help me so desperately?
I'm laying against him while he's stroking my hair with one hand while the other one is holding me tightly against him which almost makes me fall asleep. All I smell is Blake, all I feel is Blake and all I hear in my mind is Blake. I could stay like this forever, god Blake how are you doing this?
But then the negative thoughts set in. The thought of him leaving terrifies me and I don't know what I'm going to do from now on. But Blake has his own life to live, so eventually I will have to let him go. There will come the time that I'll have to tell Ava everything. But not now, she's way too young to deal with such problems, I won't do that to her for her own good.
But how are we going to live on? Legally I am an adult, but how am I supposed to raise a seven year old child? What about college? I won't let Ava go into foster care that's- no, there is no way I would do that.
New questions just keep coming and I can't seem to figure out the answers to them.
"Thank you,'' it's all I manage to say with a quiet voice, but I know he understands me, he knows that those two words mean so much more than they actually are.

I wake to the light if the sunrise shining bright into my eyes. I can always see the most beautiful sunrise through the window in my room. It's beautiful don't get me wrong but I feel so stripped of energy that I just want to sleep, if I could I would stay here the whole day.
I lift my body up to a sitting position and I find myself thinking how I even got here. Blake was here last night, he- he made me realize what I was feeling.
He probably left though. There is something between us and I can't seem to figure out what it is. Love, friendship- no it's neither of those. Something different that I've never felt before. And just the thought of losing this feeling terrifies me. It actually feels good.
I put on my fluffy slippers on and walk toward the stairs. I see that Ava's door is still closed which must mean that she's still asleep.
As I reach the bottom of the stairs I hear a quiet noise coming from the living room that's just to my left. I look into the living room and see Blake sleeping on the couch.
God I really did manage to fall asleep somehow yesterday and I'm almost sure that if he wouldn't have been here it would have been a lot more difficult.
He's lying on his back with one hand beneath his head and the other one casually laying over his chest with a blaket covering the lower half of his body. He looks so handsome just lying there.
How is he even handling all this? He doesn't cry at all. He doesn't let any kind of pain show.
After a few moments I realize that I'm staring at him so I decide to go to the kitchen and make some breakfast.
Something hits me just as I come into the kitchen.
Everything will change. Everything will be different.
And it has already started.

Blake

My eyes feel heavy and my back hurts. God I really shouldn't have slept on a couch. Well, never doing that again in my life. Still tired, I sense the smell of pancakes in the air. This must mean that Grace is already up, or Ava.
Thinking about them two makes me sad. All the things that they are going through are horrible and Ava doesn't even now the half of it. It's bad keeping her in the dark but is it wright to tell a child such thing? It's Grace's choice whether she decides to tell her or not and I'll support her decision.
Grace.
There is something about her. Something beautiful. Something sad. Something that hasn't been told before. The sadness that she's going through makes her stronger some way and she doesn't even realize it.
When I found out that my parents died but I got to live on it felt unfair. It felt like my whole world just ended. I didn't know how to deal with it.
But through time, I learned.
It all takes time.
You can't just clap your hands and say that you want it to be over with.
You have to fight for it.
Time made me stronger. Time made me the way I'm right now.
I stand up from the couch and wait a little my eyes to adjust to the bright morning sunlight. When I finally feel like my back is going to hold me together, I head over to the kitchen. As I'm walking I spot the shattered glass of the picture from yesterday. It's a family photo of Grace's family. They are all there, happy and laughing. Both Ava and Grace look so much like their mother, they share the same soft features that are all different and beautiful at the same time.
I snap back into the reality when I hear a mug being set loudly on the counter. Looking in front of me I see Grace standing in the kitchen while making herself a cup of tea at the counter island. When I reach the counter she looks up at me. She looks happy, probably not entirely but it's better than last night. Her eyes are glowing with life.
''Eh- good morning, did you sleep on the couch?'' she ask me with gentle voice.
''Good morning and yes I did and I regret it already,'' I say and see that her eyes widen in concern.
''Grace don't worry about it. I used to play hockey in high school so you could say I'm used to pain.'' I say to reassure her.
A small smile forms on her face and goes back to making pancakes.
''I- I'm making pancakes for breakfast you can stay if you want.'' The words come out of her with a unsure voice and I completely understand her. This is kind of a weird situation.
''I would love to, thank you.''
She smiles a little at me and it triggers a warm and calming feeling inside of me. I could look at her all day and never get tired of that beautiful smile. I would make her smile every day of her life. She deserves to be happy.
''How is Ava?''
Grace's body tenses in all sudden. I really shouldn't have asked that.
''She...well I told her that dad went on a business trip and that he just left. She got mad at me and told me that he would never do that. Blake I- I can't tell her the truth, it would ruin her. She's way too young and- ''
I don't let her finish because I can already sense the concern that's filling her body which makes her voice shake.
''It's okay Grace, she's better off without knowing. But you will have to make up something. She's a smart girl, she won't believe you when your guys' father isn't coming home for period of time. ''
Grace is paying full attention to me so I continue.
''You'll need to tell her that he got to prison but keep the real reason out of it. Tell her something that's easy to understand and that won't hunt her mind all day.''
Grace nods her head but worry still covers her eyes. Of course she's worried and doesn't want to lie to her but it's the best thing she can do right now.
''Hi Blake!''
Ava's voice suddenly fills the room, I didn't even hear her coming down the stairs. I hope she didn't hear what I and Grace where talking about.
''Good morning Ava, how did you- ''
''Gracie what is he doing here? '' Ava asks with a quiet voice as she is walking over to Grace.
Grace stiffens all at once and her eyes widen with fear. She doesn't know what to tell her so I take over.
''I came to visit and I'll take care of you, both of you while your dad is out of town, '' I say while looking at Ava and then at Grace. Ava's eyes brighten up a bit. A smile creeps up on my lips as I see Ava happy. Thank god. I catch Grace's look on her face and it looks like she's going to cry from happiness. Her lips mumble a thank you without speaking the words aloud.
I would do anything for her, for both of them.