Debt

fourteen

selyse harrison

My eyes barely wanted to open. They were swollen shut. I hadn't realized how much crying I had done until I woke up with my pillow feeling crusty from my tears. Quickly glancing at the time, I got out of bed when I realized I would be late for class. The bright side of things is I wouldn't have to see Jack because he's normally at work. The dark side of things is he would still return later and he's the last person I want to see.

I went to my bathroom to quickly get ready. It ended up not being quick at all because I took a shower and simply didn't want to leave it. But once I was dressed I left my room and headed downstairs. As usual, breakfast was made and the air smelt to die for.

When I arrived in the kitchen, I was quickly disappointed to see Jack making himself coffee at the nespresso machine. He wasn't in a suit but in dress pants and a sweater. After getting orange juice from the fridge, I got settled at the dining room table. I expected to eat alone as I usually do first thing in the morning, but Jack ruined those plans when he entered. He stood behind me, leaning down to kiss my cheek but I pulled my head away before his lips could reach me. With a sigh, he sat beside me which was the head of the table.

The dining table was filled with more food than usual. Belinda had made my favourite cinnamon pancakes and I couldn't help but feel like it was Jack's idea.

"Do you have your study group today?" Jack made conversation and if he kept talking, I would lose my appetite.

"No," I put a strawberry in my mouth. I wished I did have study group just so I could be out of the home longer.

"I heard UCLA is..." he continued to tell me about some event UCLA was having for business students. I didn't care much for anything he had to say. I wasn't hiding it either. "Selyse."

"Jack," I ate food faster than I usually do just so this could end.

"I didn't mean what I said. I said it but I wouldn't...I wouldn't let you go like that. You know how I feel about you." It sounded as if he was having a hard time admiting how he felt and I was only making things worse. "I couldn't fucking sleep, baby. I spent half the fucking night outside your bedroom door and the rest of it down here working because not having you sleep beside me felt awful."

"It's fine."

I realized I can't be upset with him about taking the opportunity to go back on the contract if he could. I can't be upset when even I plan on trying to leave him. It's hypocritical of me. 

"Clearly it's not fine," he put his fork and knife down. "What do you want me to do, Selyse? Get on my knees and beg your forgiveness? I will do it. If it fixes things, I will do it." Jack isn't one to beg for anything, let alone one to get on his knees for anything. He was offering to do both for me and it inflated my ego.

I continued to eat my food, not knowing what to say. Seeing Jack on his knees and begging for my forgiveness would be a sight. But it wouldn't make me feel any better.

"I want to do something with you today. I have a day planned out if you're interested in spending time with me."

The way he worded it was a tug on my heart strings. He made it sound like declining to miss school would mean rejecting him. Deep down I could never reject Jack. Maybe his thing about virgins being clingy is true because that's exactly how I felt.

I looked up at his green eyes which were already on me. Jack is a morning person. He's always polished first thing in the morning and this morning his hair was ruffled like he's run his hand through it a million times. Jack's face was loud. It's normally quiet and it's the small things that give away what he might be thinking. Like when his jaw is clenched. Or when lines form at the corners of his eyes. This time I knew exactly what he was thinking and could tell how badly he wanted to fix things.