Ticket Outta Loserville (Trames au)

Chapter 19- James' POV

As I so often am, I'm running but I don't know where to. I can't believe I kissed Tristan. He's literally only just come out to me, and he doesn't even like me that much. Sure, we're kind of friends now after the whole bed sharing incident, but kissing him was way over the line. I feel guilty for just leaving him like that, but I needed to get away and clear my head.

I walked out in the middle of a lesson, so there's not many people around. In desperation, I end up heading to where the team gets changed and where the equipment is kept, just on the off chance that I can find one of my friends. In a weird way though, I'm glad the changing room is empty as it means I can cry in peace. I would have though that I'd cried enough to get all my sadness and stress out, but apparently not. 

I drop to the floor, pull my knees up to my chest and let the tears begin to flow. I'm taking such a risk- if one of my teammates were to see this, they'd think I was weird. Suddenly, I start crying even harder when I remember how Tristan found me crying in here once and he wouldn't let me cry alone even though we weren't even friends at that time. We definitely can't be now, seeing how I fucked it up. 

I feel a wave of panic sweep through me as I hear someone walk into the room. "Hello?" they call. I breathe a sigh of relief when I realise that it's Coach Smith- he cares about me, and he's the sort of person I could talk to if I had a problem. Which I have several of, come to think about it. Despite my attempts to hide my crying, I let a choked sob escape. Coach Smith comes around to where I'm sitting, and before I know it, he's croching beside me with his hand on my shoulder. "James, what's wrong?" he asks caringly.

I sniffle. "Nothing. I'm fine."

"No you're not." he says. "What's the problem?"

I pause for a moment before I manage to say "I fucked up."

Normally Coach would pick up on me swearing, but he can probably tell by how distressed I am that it's best not to mention it. "What did you do?" he asks.

I go to wipe my eyes, which are red and puffy from crying. "I was in an RE lesson about homosexuality and Tristan walked out because people were being horrible. Then I followed him and he was crying, then I kissed him." 

"That's quite a mess." Coach Smith agrees. "Is that why you're so upset?"

"Partly." I manage to say, and he rubs my back as I hiccup through a sob. "Stuff kind of happened between us at the weekend, and now everything's changed. I panicked." 

"People make mistakes." Coach says. "Don't beat yourself up about it, you're only human. I don't know much about this boy, but I'd try and talk to him. Burying your head in the sand and pretending nothing happened isn't really going to help."

"I know." I sniffle. Then, embarrassingly, I find myself pouring out the whole story- the trouble with my dad, Tristan letting me in, me being too scared to sleep by myself and the whole story about the mess I made of things with Tristan before.

Coach Smith just listens intently, and when I've finally finished telling him all of it, he says "You've really had a rough time of it, haven't you?"

I nod. "Sorry for pouring it all out."

"It's not healthy to bottle things up." he says. "I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. I find that keeping things to yourself just eats you up inside." I nod in agreement- I know only too well how that feels. 

"Thank you." I whisper. 

"It's ok." Coach Smith says, smiling. "Come and give me a hug." I do so, and I hear him say "I really do care about you boys, you know." I just smile weakly. Eventually, he lets go and says "I have a class to teach and you have a boy to sort things out with. Go and make me proud."

I laugh weakly. "I'll try."

"You're not a quitter." Coach Smith says. "Nor are you a loser. You're a fighter and a winner. Go out there and get that boy back." Despite how sad and guilty I still feel about the whole thing, I have to smile and how supportive he is. He wouldn't let me give up even if I wanted to, and to be honest he probably cares about me way more than my dad does. I splash some water in my face to get rid of the tear tracks, then head off to find Tristan. I've made enough of a mess of my own life, I shouldn't be able to do it to someone else's.

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This was crap 😂 And that teacher is cringe, never mind. Let me know if you enjoyed it!

I still haven't heard back from the job interview, they said the weekend or the beginning of the week 😭 Just let me know already so I can stop stressing!