I sob as I though plates and glasses across the room out of anger and sadness.
I throw a cup at the wall in front of me and I watch as it shatters into a hundred pieces.
"HOW DARE HE!" I scream at the top of my lungs before collapsing onto the pile of broken glass beneath me. The shards cut deep into my skin but the pain in my heart is much greater than the pain in my legs.
I Lean up against the cupboard. A few tears prick behind my eyes as I think of the memories we made together. A few tears led to many and I can't take it anymore.
I pull my knees to my chest and I sob more than I ever have into my hands.
"How dare he!" I yell slamming my hands down onto the floor,causing them to get stabbed by the glass.
I sob and sob for what seems like forever. "How dare he make me fall in love with him." I whisper oh so broken. I know I'm crying because my eyes begin to sting. I don't feel the tears but I know that they are there.
I catch my breath since I was sobbing so much I began to hyperventilate.
I place my hands onto the floor palms down. The glass begins to cut me as I press down and push myself up.
I get to my feet and walk in the glass,ignoring the pain. I walk down the hallway that once held many photos of us together.
Now they are all on the ground broken because of me. All except one. It was my favorite photo of us. It's when he asked me to be his girlfriend.He had David snap a photo of my reaction. I stand there with happy tears in my eyes and hands over my mouth in shock as Lui stood next to me with a smile on his face.
That was the happiest moment of my life. And today is the worst.
I take the photo off of its place on the wall,and walk into our once shared bedroom.
I look at the clock on the wall. It's already past 1:00 am.
I place the photo on the bed,it's now slightly bloody due to my hands. I walk to the closet and pull out the only article of his clothing left. It was the sweat shirt that I always stole from him. He knew I would need it tonight. I slip it on and it's instantly soaked in tears as they cascade down my face.
I sit on the bed and take one glance at the photo of us before I'm engulfed in tears.
I cry to my hearts desire.
I get up and grab the bottle of vodka that was sitting on my nightstand. I take my seat again and I swiftly open the bottle and chug it. Half the bottle is gone now.
I don't think I can do it anymore. I can't live without him. While I'm sitting here drunk and broken,he's sitting at his new home with his new girlfriend.
I can't do it...I need someone
I pick up my phone and drunkenly call Vanoss. He doesn't answer.
Next I call Del. He won't pick up.
I call moo. I'm sent straight to voicemail.
I call David. He picks up. "Sorry y/n now isn't a good time I'll call you later by" he says quickly and He hangs up. I call everyone in my contacts except for Lui. No one answers.
Lui is the only one who I haven't called. I call him and wait...ring...ring...ring...rin- "hello?" A female voice asks. "Oh...hello...may I ask who you are?" I ask politely trying to keep the tears in. "I'm Lui's girlfriend,now why are you calli-*click*. I hang up. I couldn't take it. Couldn't take that it was true that he moved on.
I can't...I can't... "I CANT TAKE IT" I scream before hunching over and I cry louder than ever...it was true....he is over me....his girlfriend seemed nice...he's not mine anymore....my baby has another baby and she's nothing like me...he wanted something new...I got anoying and tiring..I was too clingy. I was in love with someone who never loved me. At least that's what he said when he ended it before he stormed out of the house not wanting to see my reaction.
"Why" I sob over and over again.
I can't catch my breath and the sobs are rippled. I try to intake air but I can't. I can't catch my breath. I feel as if I'm suffocating. I inhale multiple times trying to easy the pain in my lungs.
I cry and cry. I begin to get dizzy.
Out of no where Jonathan busts through my door with a worried look on his face. He rushes over to he and he holds me. He held me as I bawled.He held me as I bleed. He held me as my heart shatters and the realization sets it.
Once I calm down he picks me up and carries me to the bathroom. He sets me down on the toilet and he assesses my cuts. "Oh y/n" he whispers in pitty getting out a first aid kit. "Baby what happened" he whispers as if I might break if he's too loud.
"My baby has a baby and she's nothing like me" I cry. He looks at me with slight shock.
"Oh no y/n" he whispers before hugging me gently.
"What did I do. Why doesn't he love me Del?" I ask erupting in tears.
"I have no idea baby girl, he doesn't deserve you" he whispers now done with cleaning my cuts.
He stays with me through out the night so he could make sure I'd me ok.
It's been three months. I never leave my house. I never talk. I never eat. I only cry.
I wear his sweat shirt all the time,infact it's the only thing I will wear.
I stare blankly at the wall I front of me.
"My baby has a baby and she's not me" I whisper with tears in my eyes. Play song.
Del comes and check on me regularly. He's the only one I will talk to. He is my brother after all. He is the only family I have left.
The other guys tried to talk to me,they tried to get me to open up. But no never again. I will never open up to anyone,because the last time I opened up to somebody they left me.
I'm never going to be over him. I'll always miss his light kisses and his hugs. And when I was mad at him he'd use that adorable squeaker voice that I adored to make me happy.
His voice never leaves my head. It's only one sentence that I keep hearing over and over again. "I never loved you" the love was fake for him but real for me. How could I have been so blind. I don't think I can do it anymore. Life I mean. He was my life. He was my sun. But he's gone now and everything seems so dark and gloomy. After all once you loose the light of your life nothing ever seems as bright. I study the only photo of us I have left. The one where he asked me to be his girlfriend. I still have it. I look more closely and it begins to appear. His smile seems so forced and the look in his eyes show pure disgust. He really didn't love me huh?
My eyes glance from the gun In front of me to my phone. I sigh and pick up the phone. I dial the number that I haven't called in three months.
..ring...ring..ring... I'm sorry the number that you have tried to reach isn't here at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep....*beep* ..." ...When you said you'd leave me..I felt like I couldn't breath...goodbye Lui...but I don't want a life without you in it...I love you" I end the call.
I glance at the gun not sure if it's the right choice.
It's so cold without him here and this house feels nothing like a home.
I sigh and pull out the note that I had written many times before.
I place it neatly on the pillow next to me. I pull out one more letter with the name Lui writen on it. I place this one next to the other.
I pick up the gun and hold it in my hands.
I inspect it carefully. I raise my hand and I place the gun under my chin as tears stream silently down my face. My hands shaking from fear. "How dare he leave me" I whisper.
The last thing I hear before the sickening sound of a gun going off is the special ring tone that I had set up for Lui.
Maybe if you picked up the phone I'd still be here.
Pull the trigger
Fire the gun
A rattling sound
That makes me want to run
But I can't
You see the problem is
The finger on the trigger
Is mine,it is.
