We were both so afraid of love.
The fear of giving someone your heart.
The vulnerability of someone knowing the worst things about you.
We were both afraid of abandonment.
Putting all your trust into someone,and in return having them run away without looking back,leaving you alone.
And so we decided -
No strings attached. No falling in love. No jealousy. And no hurt.
These were the rules of what we had.
It was more than the occasional fuck.
No it was a relationship but without the love.
Without the sweetness in the kisses and no adoration in our eyes when we looked at each other.
But maybe
He was blind
Blind with hurt and cautiousness
Because no matter how much love lingered in my touches, he was numb to it.
At least that's how she saw things.
While god was he panicking.
His heart beat obnoxiously fast and his hands shook.
And it hurt.
Seeing that look in her eyes.
He's seen it one too many times in the reflection.
He didn't want this
Why
Why did she have to catch feelings
He was terrified that she would one day wake up and realize who he truly is and she will be so disgusted that she will run and she will leave him
And trust me these thoughts ran through his head,late at night while she was curled up against his side,sound asleep.
He was so blinded by fear,that he ignored the love fluttering in his chest.
He hardened his heart.
And there they stood
So close together,and yet so far
They both knew that they could never be anything more.
He'd spent too many nights in her home,because his own lacked that feeling of safety.
He spent too many days in her house because hers was empty,and his was not.
''I thought that you were scared..." she mutters,eyes searching his face for something.
''I am." But he's not scared of what she thought he was.
