Moving on Up

Your Head on Straight?

Her head pounded and her stomach was queasy, now the morning after she was seriously regretting allowing Erin to take her out drinking.

Erin said she needed to unwind, to kick back and relax.

'Have a few drinks...and forget all about Ruzek.'

It had worked for a bit, she did forget about Adam...but what she didn't forget how was terrible her life had been since that day in the locker room. The day she let Adam off the hook.

She had spent a long time standing in her bathroom..just staring at her reflection in the mirror...how the fuck had everything gone to shit? She had never in a million imagined that her life would have spiraled as quickly as it had.

Her jealous streak had kicked in full force when she spotted Adam with another woman, a trait that she had despised when she saw it in Adam, now the shoe was on the other foot.

She hated how she felt as she looked at her reflection...she looked terrible her face was drawn and she had dark circles under her eyes. It had been a few days since their blow out in the roll up. She had slapped Adam, her hand still stung. He had hurt her with his words...but what hurt the most was the truth in them.

She allowed Sean Roman to play her like a fiddle...she took his word as gospel. She believed everything that spewed from his mouth and it cost her everything.

Seeing Adam with his..whoever she was, had been confronting.

She had finally been confronted by all of the choices she had made and she didn't like how it made her feel.

Adam had been the 'bad guy' during their break up, it was his fault. He wouldn't make a decision, he wouldn't meet her mother...it was his fault. She had completely convinced herself of that.

It was wrong.

All of it was wrong, she was just as culpable as he was. They both held their portion of blame and at the moment, the portion she was holding was heavy.

She could feel the pit of guilt and regret building in her gut, she was certain it would swallow her whole. She turned the water on, using just the cold tap...she cupped her hands and let them fill with the seriously cold water. She leaned down and splashed her face, she felt her self shiver as the ice cold water hit her tear stained cheeks.

Today was going to be a long day, the first time she was back at work since her fight with Adam and then getting her ass chewed out by Voight.

A week long suspension had accompanied the ass chewing. She knew she deserved every word of it, they had both acted unprofessionally and thankfully their case didn't suffer because of it, but she was afraid that her work relationship with Adam had.

It was enough to make her cry...she needed Adam in her life...in some facet and she had gotten that back for just a brief moment..and now that had been ruined.

That was hard...all of this was hard.

She had wanted to be a member of the intelligence unit for as long as she could remember, and now she had achieved it and she wasn't so sure she truly wanted it; but was it worth losing Adam all together?

Kevin glanced around the bullpen and it felt off. Erin and Jay sat at their desks...their desks that had once butted about against each other had been pulled apart and moved to different areas.

Kevin pointed to where their desks used to sit, "What's up? Why are we moving desks around?" It was then he noticed they were down a desk.

Erin looked at Jay and shrugged, "Figured in light of recent events....that it'd be best if we put a little distance between us." She pointed at Jay.

They had always been low key about their relationship at work but she knew Hank was not pleased with what had gone down between Ruzek and Burgess. That it wouldn't take much for him to question Erin and Jay's ability to work in the same unit.

"We don't wanna give him any ammunition " Jay replied.

Kevin nodded he understood that, but that was just one piece of the puzzle, "Okay..I get that..but we are down a desk...what's up with that?" He couldn't help but notice it was Ruzek's desk. "Where's Ruzek?"

"That's the million dollar question" Erin got up and headed for the break room, "No one knows...though the rumor mill has plenty of possible explanation. I think the one that's going around now is that Voight kicked him to patrol."

"Did he?" Kevin asked.

Al cleared his throat alerting them to his presence, "None of our business..get to work."

"The hell it isn't.." Kevin retorted.

Al held his hands up, "Relax, Kid. I get it..trust me I do. We can't be speculating about it. When and if we need to know...Voight will tell us. Now, for the time being we keep our heads down and we do our work."

Kevin knew he had to let it go, that pushing for answers wouldn't help anyone and he wouldn't get an answer until Voight deemed it necessary.

Al returned to his desk, he knew what Voight was going to do and he wasn't sure how Ruzek would respond to it. He powered up his computer and did what he had told his coworkers to do..he got to work.

Kim could hear the hushed conversations as she entered the district, it was going to be a long ass day. Sadly, she was used to the looks she was currently receiving. She had gone through during the break up, then the shooting, and then finally after the court case. She was no stranger to being the center of gossip and controversy..didn't mean she was comfortable with it.

Walking in to the bullpen wasn't going to be easy...she was dreading seeing Adam for the first time since their fight. She had wanted to go to him numerous times over the last week but she restrained herself.

She paused at the top of the stairs and took a deep breath, she gathered the courage to walk in.

She was hit with it immediately, his desk was gone.

"Where's Ruzek?" She asked.

Hank looked up from his spot beside Erin's desk, they'd been discussing a case, "He's gone. Your head on straight?"

Kim was still trying to wrap her head around what he had just said, she stammered a bit, "Yea...Yes. I do."

She didn't...her head was spinning. She wasn't going to let him see that though.

--NOTE--

Now the story will pick up some steam...I know I kinda jumped right into with the confrontation but it was actually a minor part of the story. I think what happens next is really the meat of the story.

Thanks for reading!