Still Queer As Folk

Episode 1

"Hey"

"Hey yourself"

"What are you up to tonight, anyone fun?"

Haha "Come on Sunshine, you know I need you here for that. Rules are rules."

"I know, I did say we could go back to our old arrangement while I am in New York. Can you believe in only five days it will be one year. I can not wait to see you."

"I don't need the old arrangement just you home. What time do you think you will get here. I figure we can spend the first night here at the loft and then head to Britin the following day."

"Sounds good to me, I should get in late. Hey, I got to go they need me for an issue with an exhibit. I love you, see you tomorrow night sometime."

"Me too, later Sunshine"

I continue to think back to that night. It was the last time I actually spoke with Justin, heard his voice.

I am such an asshole. I could not even bring myself to say the words back to him. He knows I love him, I have told him a few times, it is just still hard for me to get it out all the time. I normally reply "me too" or "same here". Justin seemed happy as long as I confirm it one way or another.

My Sunshine. He never made it home from New York the following day. I waited for him and called his phone several hundred times, nothing. I was so angry with him at first. I smashed a few things in the loft. After thinking about it more I calmed down and felt like a piece of shit.

Seriously out of the two of us, Justin would never be the one to be unfaithful. Once we made everything official I was the only man in his world, he would never just leave me. I never counted the fiddler because we were in a open arrangement that I continually insisted was not a relationship. He lied, yes, broke a few rules,yes, but it was not cheating.

I was stressed not knowing what happened to him. Our anniversary came without a word from him. I was planning to leave for New York to look for him, this was not like Sunshine. We talked on the phone every night. Visited each other as often as we could. He would never just not call me, even when I was a complete dickhead to him in the early days of knowing him, he could never stay mad at me for very long.

My world completely stopped for the forth time when I was out with Michael and the guys at Babylon a week after I talked to Justin on the phone. I was a wreck and I know that it showed, but a week with no word, I no longer cared what they thought. I can still remember the hollow feeling in my chest the entire time I was on the phone.

"Come on Brian you got to let it go. Move on already he as been gone over a year and a half. He probably has a boyfriend in New York." Michael has been at it all night. I gave up telling him to "fuck off" an hour ago. What should I expect he didn't know. No one knew about what Justin and I did a year ago but Jennifer. We decided to keep it that way until Justin moved back home.

"Yeah Brian, look at all the hot ass cruising you. Go find someone to take into the backroom." Emmett chimed in on my verbal beating. I was about to snap back when my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket an answered it without looking to see who it was.

"Hello"

"Hello, is this Brian Kinney."

"Yes, who is this?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Kinney. My name is detective Calvin with the NYPD. I am working a case and believe you may be able to help me. Is it possible for you to come to New York and meet with me."