Yūgen

Memories of Old

Sundays always meant family lunch at Nanay and Tatay's house. And it's always been a big deal ever since all the Mendoza siblings got married and went their separate ways. Even more so when Maine came home from the US. That Sunday was no different.

"So ano na nga'ng latest kay Richard, girl?" Coleen discreetly asked as she pulled Maine aside after they ate. They started walking out to the backyard.

"Ayun, okay naman siya. Medyo busy pa rin sa mga articles niya for the magazine he works for..." Maine replied.

"Pero may oras siyang makipag-Skype at mag-text sa 'yo, ha. Bilib din ako sa time management ni ex-bayaw," Coleen joked, "Ano na ba, Meng? Sinagot mo na ba uli?"

"Agad-agad?!" Maine exclaimed, "Diyos ko, Coleen, ah! P'wede namang may konting getting-to-know-you-again phase muna, konting ligawan uli, gano'n."

"Nakuuuuu, 'yan tayo, eh. 'Di pa ba enough na getting-to-know-you-again stage 'yung ilang weeks na 'andito siya? 'Tsaka, hello, ex-wife? Ilang taon kaya kayong mag-asawa..."

"Pero ilang years din naman kaming hiwalay, 'no? Ang daming nagbago."

"Except 'yung puso mo. After all those years, siya pa rin pala. Biruin mo 'yon?"

Maine chuckled. "Grabe rin magbiro ang fate, girl. But we're taking it one day...no, one Skype call at a time."

The two sisters laughed, then watched the kids as they ran around the backyard.

Coleen started to wax sentimental. "Alam mo, I still can't believe, tayong limang magkakapatid lang 'to dati. Ngayon, sila na."

Maine sighed, "Hay, sana, it won't be long, kasama na rin 'yung magiging anak ko sa mga binabantayan natin."

Coleen held Maine's hand tightly.

"Ay, oo nga pala, girl, 'di mo naitatanong pero alam kong tatanungin mo rin, I finally went to Dra. Lozada last week, 'yung doctor na ni-refer 'nyo ni Ate sa 'kin," Maine shared.

"Wow. Sa wakas, after 100 years, Meng! Na-overcome mo ang fear mo sa mga doktor!"

"Sira! Ayun, general check-up and all that. 'Tsaka, medyo nabanggit ko rin kay Doc 'yung...ano...'yung problema ko with getting pregnant."

"O, ano'ng sabi niya?"

"Nothing major yet. May mga ilang tests pang gagawin, so...makaka-ilang balik din ako kay Doc. I hope it's nothing too serious."

"Ano ka ba? 'Wag kang matakot. 'Pagdarasal natin 'yan, ha? Pero, wait, bakit naman biglang worried ka ngayon sa pagbubuntis, girl? Eh wala pa ngang, you know, daddy-to-be?"

"Ano kasi...gusto ko maging prepared, sakaling...alam mo na, magbalikan kami ni Chard. It's the one thing he had always been wishing for, and...if we're going to do things right this time, I want this to be one of the things na itatama ko..."

"Meng, alam mo, hindi porke't 'di mo siya nabigyan o mabigyan ng anak, wala ka nang kuwentang asawa. Lagi ko namang sinasabi sa 'yo 'yan, 'di ba, even before you left Richard? Yes, ang anak, blessing 'yun ni Lord. 'Tsaka you both love kids, we all know that. Pero if ever hindi kayo talaga pagpalain, there are so many other things na makakabuo sa relationship 'nyo, 'tsaka sa mga sarili 'nyo."

Maine just looked at her sister and smiled, even as I saw a tear start falling down. She reached into her pocket for me.

"Basta, girl," Coleen went on, "ituloy mo lang 'yung mga consultation mo kay Doc, and take care of yourself, okay? Kasi, alam mo na, your well-being is one of the best gifts you can ever give Richard, or whoever you end up with. 'Tsaka, hello, tulog-tulog din whenever possible, 'no? Palibhasa, ang yaman-yaman mo na dahil sa bakeshop 'nyo ni Barbie..."

"Eto, 'chosera ka talaga," Maine countered, with a playful slap on Coleen's arm, "gusto mo lang siguro ng ensaymada 'tsaka 'yung butter tarts."

****

She was in front of her computer again some nights later. And for some reason, she found herself scanning through pictures of her and Richard during his stay in the Philippines. All hundred or so of them--or so I counted. I saw her smile, sometimes cackle in laughter, depending on what she saw.

And then, there was that one selfie Richard took. She seemed to like this one, because she stopped and stared at the picture for quite a bit.

"Hay, Chard," Maine sighed as she started talking to Richard's picture, "I hate to admit this, but I think I actually miss you already."

She snapped out of it for a bit and started pacing around her bedroom. Other than her footsteps and the humming of the airconditioner, it was just silence all around. Sure, she had been used to this for years since she came home, but that night, she was uneasy.

She went back to her computer desk. I was there. So was a piece of paper that her doctor seemed to have written on, plus some medicines.

"PCOS po, Doc?"

"Yes, Maine, polycystic ovary syndrome. It's a common endocrinal disorder with women your age most especially. The cysts are actually immature follicles sa obaryo mo, and those are symptoms instead of the cause. Dahil kasi 'yun sa elevated amounts of androgens or 'yung male hormones sa katawan mo. "

"Wow, kaya pala..."

"Don't worry, Maine, it's no cause for alarm. Ito muna ang prescription ko for you, 'tsaka siyempre, konting adjustment sa lifestyle. Proper diet, more exercise, bawasan ang puyat."

"Pero, Doc, does it mean, wala na talaga akong chance magkaroon ng anak?"

"Not necessarily. 'Yung prescription ko sa 'yo for right now includes birth control pills, but, 'pag ready ka nang mag-conceive, we'll make sure na baguhin 'yung prescription mo."

She looked at Richard's picture again, and turned wistful.

"All this time," she began talking to the picture one more time, "'yun pala ang naging problema, Chard. Nasa akin. But I didn't get to it early enough. Medyo pinabayaan ko ang sarili ko, especially when we were much younger. Naagapan ko sana, instead of just leaving and ending everything na gano'n-gano'n lang."

She heaved one big sigh, and went on.

"Hay, Nicomaine, ang tanga-tanga mo talaga. As always."

She looked away from her computer screen, seemingly thinking of all those years she wasted by feeling that she was never good enough for Richard. Things would have turned out differently, and she would have been still with him, back at 716.

Then, she suddenly remembered that one important thing Coleen told her a few Sundays before...

"Take care of yourself, okay? Kasi, alam mo na, your well-being is one of the best things you can ever give Richard, or whoever you end up with."