Yūgen

Something New

In the last few weeks before Maine went back to the Philippines, there wasn't a lot of talking. Laughter was even more scarce. She was still in the house but it was like living with a ghost because even though he felt her presence, Richard didn't know how to talk to her. He tried, of course he did, but he couldn't take the emptiness in her eyes. He could've handled sad or heck he would've gladly dealt with angry but she was neither of those things. It's as if she'd gone numb and lost the ability to feel. She never wanted to go out anymore. Not with him, anyway. She took frequent long walks by herself. When he asked her if he could keep her company, she would give him a sad smile and shake her head. Dinners had become awkward affairs. He tried to make small talk and she tried to engage but their conversations started to become monotonous until it stopped altogether, replaced with the kind of silence that was suffocating. She was slipping out of his hands. He didn't know how to keep her. She didn't know how to let him.

It was as if all the disappointment about their inability to conceive a child had piled up and sapped all of her energy. He promised to make her the happiest woman in the world and yet here they were. Richard felt like a failure.

When she told him that maybe they needed time apart, he wanted to protest vehemently. He wanted to rage and cry and punch the wall. He wanted to throw a tantrum like a child because despite everything that had been happening between them, he couldn't stomach the thought of being away from her. But when he saw that, for the first time in weeks, there seemed to be light in her eyes again fuelled by her determination to move forward, he fought to stay calm. He tried to make her stay. She cried and said that she couldn't take seeing him because he was a reminder of her failures.

"Hindi mo na ba ako mahal?" he asked, his voice full of supplication.

Maine inhaled sharply. She couldn't take that she had hurt him. He deserved so much better than this. So much better than her. She was doing this for him as much as for herself.

She walked over to where he was sitting, and stood between his legs. His hands automatically went to her hips. She cupped his face between her hands, forcing him to look her in the eye.

"Mahal kita, Richard. Mahal na mahal. But I can't do this anymore. I'm tired. I can't be a good wife to you if I'm like this. Hindi yun fair sa'yo. So please, let me go."

There was so much emotion in her voice. He remembered thinking that he would prefer seeing her sadness over numbness any day but now that she was imploring him to let her go, he almost wished that she'd go back to being numb. But what kind of existence would that really be? Maybe if he let her go, she could start putting herself back together. Then maybe she could be happy again. He promised to make her happy and if this was what it was going to take then goddammit, he was going to give that to her.

***

"...and that is why IronMan is the best Avenger of all time," Richard proclaimed. He looked up and pouted when he realized that his fiancée was enthusiastically typing on her laptop instead of listening to him wax poetic about Tony Stark.

He gently pulled the laptop away from her.

"Hey! I wasn't finished!"

"Maine, di ka naman nakikinig sakin eh."

"Of course I was listening, love. Now give me back my laptop."

"Weh? Di nga? What was I talking about?"

"Uhmmmm..."

"See? I knew it!"

"Sorry na, love. I promise I was listening when you started you story but I got distracted kasi Coleen sent me this link to an article. It's a list of ideas for my 'something new' sa wedding."

It was two weeks before the wedding and the soon-to-be-married couple was hanging out in Richard's apartment. He perked up when he heard this.

"Wala ka pang something new? Do you have time to buy something?"

"Yun na nga, love. Lahat ng gusto ko will take a while to ship. Why I left this at the last minute, I don't even know. Ang bilis kasi ng oras, hindi ko namalayan," she said with a huff.

"I might have something for you."

"Really?" a smile lit up her face.

"Yeah, wait here, love."

He kissed the top of her head before heading to the dresser to fetch me from my hiding place. When he came back, he took her hand and led her out the door.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

They walked about 10 blocks, hand in hand before they came to an apartment complex. Maine was puzzled. Why were they going in there? Nobody they knew lived here. Did he hide his gift to her somewhere here?

They took the elevator the seventh floor. When they got out, he pulled her in front of apartment 716. He was positively giddy with excitement.

"Here it is, love. Your something new. Our something new."

He took a box from his pocket and handed it to her. And, even as she had an inkling as to what I was while she was opening the box, she still gasped when she saw me, the key to their new apartment. She flung her arms around Richard's neck and peppered his face with kisses. She's dreamed of living here ever since they saw it a few months ago because it had a fantastic view of her favorite park. Someday, Richard told her, you and I will live here. She didn't expect the someday to come this soon. She took me out of the box and kissed me. She inserted me into the doorknob but she didn't turn it yet. She looked at Richard. He was looking back at her, just basking in her happiness. Here was a man who would do anything to make her happy. And she promised herself then and there that she would always do what was best for him because he deserved nothing less from her.

I was carefully woven in her bridal bouquet and I got to walk down the aisle with her.

When she went back to the Philippines, she debated whether or not to leave me. In the end, she kept me. Even when everything fell apart, she wanted to take a piece of him with her.