Yūgen

Something Blue - Reprise

I've been here in the Philippines for a while now and this is the first time that I've heard the door to her room slam. I heard the unmistakable sound of shoes being kicked off before the bed creaked a little under her weight. There was a few seconds of silence before I heard a huff of frustration.

She opened the drawer I call home and took out the jewelry box where I currently stay. She lifted the lid so I'm afforded a clear view of her face. She's all dressed up in a shift dress in the same shade of blue as me. I remember that dress. Richard bought her that precisely because it reminded him of my color. One time, when they were married, they went out on a date and she wore me underneath. When he found out, he almost ripped that dress off of her. That was some night. She's glammed up tonight, I guess she came from a party. Or, dare I think it, a date? Did she come from date? Was it with Richard?

Her phone rang.

"Hello? Yes, I'm home. I had fun, too," she grimaced as she said this. "Okay. See you around, Darren. Thanks again for dinner."

She removed her earrings and placed them beside me. She took off her necklace and put it on top of the earrings. She was about to close the box when she spotted me. She picked me up and felt me between her fingertips. Some of the stress melted away from her face as she stared at me. There was no way for me to tell what she was thinking but she stared at me with something akin to longing. She groaned and flung me away. I landed on the lamp beside her bed so I could clearly see how she flopped on her bed. She started pummeling the top of her bedspread with her fists.

"Ugh. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this," she chanted over and over again.

She flipped over and started kicking her sheets, as if she were throwing a tantrum. After several minutes of this, she rolled over and hugged one of the pillows to her chest. She picked up her phone and opened the gallery. She scanned the photos until she came across a photo of Richard. She stared at the photo that looks like it was taken recently and without his knowledge. He was staring out a window, seemingly lost in thought, clutching a cup of coffee. I could only make out his side profile but he looked as good as ever.

"Richard," she said to the photo, "alam mo ba nagdate kami ni Darren kanina? We went to dinner at a fancy hotel. You know how much I hate snooty dinners like that. He didn't even bother asking me what I'd like to do. He just went ahead and decided. Anyway, so yeah. Dinner was okay. The food was good. Darren was nice. But he made this weird chewing sound when he ate and it annoyed the hell out of me. He also kept talking about himself. He'd ask me a question about me and he'd let me talk for a little bit before he found a way to steer the conversation back to himself. How did I never notice that about him before? Tapos ang baduy ng mga joke niya, Richard. But not the cute way that your jokes are baduy, the inexcusable kind of baduy. I wanted to punch him in the face more than once during dinner. I was bored, Richard. Sa sobrang bored ko, I refused to let him bring me home after dinner. I couldn't stomach trying to make conversation with him on the drive home. I made up some lame excuse about having to meet some friends then ended up going to a coffee shop by myself and reading magazines. I had more fun there than I did at dinner. Tapos nag Uber na lang ako pauwi."

Maine took a deep, steadying breath before she continued.

"Everytime he did something that annoyed me, I found myself thinking 'Richard wouldn't do that', 'Richard wouldn't say this', Richard this and Richard that. Is it always going to be like this? Am I going to go on dates and compare every single guy to you? Because if that's the case, I am so screwed. Because you and I both know that no one is ever going to measure up to you. Gago ka kasi, bakit ba ang perfect mo? Sumagot ka nga, bakit ang perfect mo? Hindi pa nakuntento si Lord na gawin kang saksakan ng gwapo eh. Nooooo. Ginawa ka pa niyang mabait. Funny. Sweet. Maalaga. Thoughtful. Hardworking. Bakit? Bakit ka ganyan? Bakit kahit masaya na ko, kahit akala ko nakamove on na ko, ikaw pa din naiisip ko? Sumagot ka!"

She shook her phone violently as I worried for her sanity.

"Leche nababaliw na yata ako," she muttered to herself. She got up and went to her bathroom. When she came back, she was clad in her nightshirt and her face was devoid of make-up. I heard Richard say once that Maine was beautiful with make-up on but without it, she was radiant. I have to say that I agree. A fresh-faced Maine is a sight to behold. She got under the covers but she didn't close her eyes. She stared at the ceiling for a really long time. She heaved another deep sigh before she reached over to turn off her bedside lamp. That's when she saw me again. She snatched me off of the lamp before she switched it off.

She fell asleep with me clutched in her hand. Throughout the night, I heard her mumbling Richard's name as she slept. I felt a twinge of pity for whoever that Darren guy is. It seems as if he never stood a chance. Because after all these years and after everything that they went through, it looks like Richard is still the man of Maine's dreams.