Yūgen

Un-borrowed Happiness

He stepped inside the apartment's extra room and looked around.

***

When they first stepped in Apartment 716, Maine and Richard already decided that the spare room will be for their first baby. Daughter or son, "Madali naman i-design yung room." Maine quipped as she walked towards the cabinet on one side of the room. "Or, we can choose a gender-neutral color..."

"May ganun ba?" He asked, brows furrowed as he followed Maine as she looked around the room.

"Meron... Trust me." She said as she turned to him and winked at him.

"You da boss..." He said, nodding at her.

***

Richard stood in front of the cabinet, contemplating whether to open it or just keep the memories tucked inside.

***

When Maine left, he made a point to use his sober time putting away memories of her, of them in boxes. In a few weeks, he accumulated a few boxes of their stuff. Without enough courage to throw these away, he decided to put them inside and on top of the spare room's cabinet.

***

He took a deep breath before taking another step and reaching for the cabinet's door.

But, as he pulled on the handle, a small box toppled to the floor, spilling its contents on the floor.

"Tsk. Sabi na eh." He muttered, remembering how he carelessly slipped the small box on the remaining space on the top shelf. When he opened the cabinet, the movement dislodged the box.

Looking down, he saw the items on the floor: a small ceramic bottle from a baby shower they once attended, a few trinkets from one of her bracelets, and a few more pieces.

He slowly moved down on his knees to gather the strewn items on the floor. Then, he reached for the box to put the items back in. As he pulled it near him, though, an item rattled from inside the box.

He looked inside and saw me... So, he grabbed me, the lone earring from inside the box and held me in his hand.

For a moment, forgetting the other items scattered on the floor, he just stared at me.

Then, he reached the box where I came from. He put me back and began searching for something on the floor.

"Baka nahulog... tapos, gumulong." He muttered as he continued to search for my pair. He was down on all fours, leaning down to look under the furniture in the room. At one point, he stood up to step out of the room, only to come back with a chair so that he could look on the top shelf. "Nasaan ka na..." He said to himself.

He has started to show frustration when he still couldn't find the pair after scouring the floor. Then, he let out a sigh before he sat flat on the floor, facing the cabinet. He looked at the pile in front of him, "Andyan ka lang siguro no?" He muttered, his voice hopeful.

***

I have lost count of how many women he's had the chance of meeting since Maine left. I do not know any of the women who have called or left messages on his voicemail, except for his co-worker—Carina.

She went here a few times to check on him. Then, one day, she left abruptly. I never saw her again.

There was Ana. "With one 'n'." He used to say whenever she called. I think a co-worker from the magazine. Or, a friend of one of his co-workers. The few times they have talked, they always discussed work.