Instability Within

Chapter 6

Ivan got off his plane, back in the chilly atmosphere. He had left his car behind, because he wouldn't have made it in time if he had driven back.

Marching into Alfred's house, Ivan sook an end to the drama. It was exhausting, putting up with this.

Francis sat the slightly pale Alfred into the chair across from Ivan. "Would you like me to stay or give you some privacy, Alfred?"

The direction of the question pointed towards whose side Francis was on. He made it clear that Ivan wasn't in his favor.

Alfred studied Ivan's face, trying to judge whether Ivan wanted him to say stay or leave, to make their opinions equal. Ivan's face was a wall, it was impossible to tell what he was thinking, so Alfred asked Francis to go. Alfred felt safer with Francis around, but it was unlikely that Ivan would be willing to speak with a guard dog watching him.

"I think that you should leave again." Alfred spoke seriously, despite being drowsy. Francis hadn't told him why Ivan was here, but he was intelligent enough to figure it out. "I'm going to leave as well. I'm going somewhere where I can do as I want, and won't be a bother to the people around me. Francis shouldn't have to deal with my problems for me."

"Sure." Ivan didn't want to be here, didn't want to speak, wanted to escape from the awkward situation.

"But first, can we both tell our sides of the story, and see where things went wrong?" Alfred knew he shouldn't pry, should quit while he was ahead, but he had to know. "I'm sorry, if you don't want to, you don't have to... but I'd at least like to tell you mine."

"I'm listening." Ivan wasn't going to share. His story felt too personal, even if Alfred was openly sharing his own story.

Alfred proceeded to go over what happened, at first it sounded mostly the same as what Ivan had seen. Part of the way through, it branched off, taking a path that Ivan was unaware of. Things were different than he had thought.

"...and after I woke back up, Francis took me to see a doctor. Or a therapist. Or a counselor. Or whatever the guy was. He said that I probably have," Alfred paused for a moment, this was the hardest part for him, admitting his flaw, "that I have something called Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not really sure what it is yet, but Francis said that we would go back again to learn more."

Ivan was impressed. He wouldn't have had the guts to say all that. It was great that Alfred was willing to tell him this, but he felt like Alfred expected him to say something in return. "Well, to start off, I didn't mean anything by Toris, I just wanted to make you jealous, to be honest. I didn't expect anything to come of it." As Ivan explained his side of the story, Alfred thought. He thought about their feelings, what had happened to them, and how they felt now.

Acting on impulse, when Ivan was finished speaking Alfred asked, "We're both going far away, maybe we could... go far away together?"

Ivan was more shocked than he had previously been. He didn't know what had sparked this spontaneous invitation, but he was willing to give it a try. Start anew together.

"Sure. Are we gonna tell anyone?" Ivan went along with Alfred, wanting to forget their past together and just be happy.

"We should probably tell Francis. Other than that, no, probably not." Alfred knew how this worked. If other people got involved, they wouldn't leave. Something would hold them back, their bosses, their family, something. They needed to leave before the restraints caught them.

They left the next day, taking only their dearest possessions and money to buy whatever they needed when they got somewhere where they could settle down together. Eventually they did settle down together in Russia, coming to terms with each other. It was colder there than where they had come from, but they found that they enjoyed it. They couldn't get married, forever waiting for the day that Russia would recognize gay marriage, but they were fine with that, happy as they were.