Instability Within

Chapter 1

Yeah, sure, they were friends-with-benefits. Yes, they had been hooking up. It wasn't as if it meant anything though. At least, to Alfred it didn't.

It had started a couple of months ago, Alfred had asked out his old friend Arthur, finally admitting that he had feelings for him. Arthur, ever the sarcastic and rude bastard, had blatantly turned him down, telling Alfred that he saw him as nothing but an old friend.

Alfred had come that night. He had walked to Ivan's doorway, silent tears threatening to come streaming down his face at any moment. He didn't know why he had chosen Ivan, perhaps because Ivan was so willing to have anybody and everybody as a friend, open to even flawed people.

When Ivan welcomed him in, Alfred came onto him, using him as an outlet for his frustration, and a method of revenge, even if Arthur would never know. Or perhaps it was the other way around, perhaps he was letting Ivan take advantage of him in this state. Either way he didn't care. He didn't care about Ivan, about Arthur, about any of it anymore. All that mattered was that he got what he wanted. Ivan didn't seem to mind, he seemed to be plenty happy with having an ally, no matter what the reason.

Alfred left when he was done, preventing from any awkward after-conversations.  They didn't talk the next day, in fact, they rarely saw each other aside from when Alfred came to him. After that day, Alfred unconsciously formed a habit of going to Ivan when his emotions were taking control of him.

They had never really discussed it, or their rules, but Alfred felt that they had a relatively mutual understanding. No one was to find out, and it wouldn't mean anything when all was done.

Ivan understood their relationship, he knew what it meant. It meant that other than physical proximity when no one was around, he wasn't allowed to get close to Alfred. Truth was, he did feel something for Alfred. It wasn't much, but it was there. He felt like he knew Alfred better than others, how Alfred acted when people weren't around. He wasn't the idiot people made him out to be. He was like that around people, because the more attention he got, the better. Ivan didn't quite understand why, but he knew that at least much was true.

Ivan didn't know what to do with his feelings other than cover them up. He and Alfred were known to fight with each other. They had the same friends, but they were often hostile towards each other. Ivan knew that if he let his feelings show in the slightest, people would notice, and realize what was going on behind their turned backs.

It wasn't just the other people, Alfred had made it clear that he felt absolutely nothing for Ivan. And if their conversations hadn't made it clear enough, the way Alfred screamed Arthur's name when he reached his peak did. It wasn't just Arthur's name of course, there had been other names as well. But none of them had been Ivan's.