Supernatural

Chapter Twenty Four-Good Talks, Loaded Guns, and Stubborn Men

*Dean's POV*

Sam helps me up from the ground, but I'm just staring out the doorway where Angela went. Her words echo in my mind, "You want me to trust you with myself? With my heart? Yeah right. You've broken every heart that's been given to you!" The kicker is; she's not wrong. I mean I've lost count of all the women I've burned through. But they knew that what they were getting into, just a roll in the hay. No strings attached. Not true. That damn voice in the back of my head whispers to me. Jo. Lisa. Hearing their names makes my heart ache slightly. They gave you their hearts. And you crushed them both. Jo died, and Lisa doesn't even remember who you are because you hurt her so badly you had Cas wipe her memory. And you can't say it's different. You loved Lisa. Same situation. You care about people, and they are destroyed. That's the end of it. I run a hand through my hair and turn away from the door. I glance at Sam and see his mouth moving, but I can't hear him. Everything is dull. I head into the library and sit down at the table. I grab the corner of one of the books Sam has opened and drag it over to where I'm sitting. I put my feet up in the chair beside me and start to read. I hear Sam come up beside me and stand there for a moment.

"Dean." He says and I tense and shake my head slightly. "Dean, I-"

"This is your warning, Sam." I say and look right into his eyes. Then I look back down at my book. After a few seconds I hear him huff and then he walks towards the kitchen and doesn't come back. I manage to read a sentence before another disturbance interrupts me. Cas's hand lands on my shoulder but I don't jump or look a him. I don't care what he has to say right now.

"Dean, perhaps we sho-" He starts but I shut the book harshly and cut him off.

"No, Cas." I say sternly. His hand slips off my shoulder, but unfortunately he doesn't stop. He goes to the opposite side of the table and sits down. He leans forward with his forearms on the table and just stares at me. I open the book back up and stare at the page. I can't read anything right now. My mind is a mess of yelling and feelings I don't understand. I slam the book closed again and look at Cas. "Geez Cas, I couldn't possibly guess what you have to say." His concerned blue eyes stare at me and make me think back to what Angela said, "Blue. But not just one kind of blue. All of them. The blue of the sky, blue of the sea, the blue of Cas's eyes." She giggles a bit at her little list and the sound echoes inside my head. I had asked what her favorite color was. I hadn't been overly fond of the fact that she loved the color of Cas's eyes, but her laugh made it worth it. I didn't realize how much I wanted my eyes to be the ones she loved. She had giggled right after she had said that. Man, I liked the way she laughs. I liked the way her lips felt against mine, how she tasted. I liked that she was able to pull away from me, but that just made me want her closer and closer. I wanted to know what she was like when she let herself lose control. I pinched the bridge of my nose and then looked back up at Cas. He was staring at me expectantly. "What, Cas? Just what the hell do you have to say?"

He frowns at me and a bit of fire lights in his eyes. "Don't you think you should go try to talk to Angela?" I shake my head.

"Did you hear the end of that conversation? I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to talk to me right now." He looks down at the table for a moment then looks back up at me with pleading eyes. I shake my head at him again and stand up slamming the book on the table. "What the hell do you want from me, Cas? She doesn't want me! If you want to talk to her, then go right ahead! Just stop staring at me like that!" He stands slowly and speaks to me firmly.

"I did hear the end of your conversation, Dean. You were asking her why she was holding back, but Dean, did you ever think of asking yourself that same question?" My eyes sharpen at that.