Taylor Swift Wants Me?!

#1 Happy birthday!

[Madi's POV]

I woke up by my mobile alarm at 6:30 a.m. "Losing him was blue like I'd never known. Missing him was dark grey all alone." sounds loud through my room from under my pillow with a beautiful blonde girls' face on it. She is my idol since I was almost six, you can also say I'm a huge fan since her debut album. I'm born in 2001, what means I have the age with one year less from the year without the -20. It's my birthday today, 6 January 2014,  and I'm turning 13 today. I turn off the song Red by Taylor Swift and go out of my Taylor Swift related bed, with a sad feeling. My dad probably doesn't know it's my birthday today, like he doesn't know every single year since my mom died. The only person who seems to care about me is my grandma, the mom of my own mom. She asked me many times or I didn't want to move in her house, but I could never say yes to it because my dad was always disturbing.

I walked with a tired face to the bathroom with my clothes and switched them with my pyjama, making myself ready for that stupid school... "Madi! Come downstairs, it's time for breakfast!" my dad screamed from downstairs. "I'll come!" I scream back. I watched my wrists which were full of cuts, as well made by my dad as by myself as by the bullies at school. The cuts hurts a lot. And I wasn't the one who began with cutting. First it were the bitches at school who bullied me and who are still bullying me. They once did and my dad saw it as soon as I came home. He only believed his own thoughts so he was mad because "I was cutting myself" and when he came to me to scream about what an attention searcher I am, he was cutting almost my hands from my arms. And since then he still does and I decided to cut myself from then on, because it actually helped me a lot with forgetting the pain people gave me. 

Enough about my cuts. I looked in the mirror, looking at myself like I'm a monster, and then I leave the bathroom. I'm walking downstairs with a scared feeling. Would my dad know it's my birthday? Or would he be drunk or anything like that and hurt me before I go to school? "Madi, come! Don't be that slow, you stupid." my dad said. I walk faster and I'm going to the table with my lunchbox and a board. I saw my dad, but for the first time he was smiling. I don't know why, but for a minute I thought he remembered that it's my birthday today. "Why are you having a big smile, dad?" I ask. "Because you are going to your grandma after school. You are going to spend the night at her home, so I can make everything ready for a special thing." my  dad said. I didn't know exactly what he meant with that special thing, what actually never can be a good thing, but I was glad I would spend the night with my grandma. She was the only relative I still had, and my dad, but my grandma meant a lot to me. If she is going to die, I'll die too. 

I made my lunchbox full, like I did every single day. Even in the weekends, because my dad would have everyday that I'm away from like 8 a.m. 'til like 3 p.m. My dad walks upstairs before I want to take a bit of my breakfast, so I stand op and throw my schoollunche away through the window and I tear my breakfeast in little pieces and throw them away, so it seems like I took bits of it. I know it's stupid, but hey, than the people at school will ever stop bullying me. 

After this I'm going upstairs and see my dad is tearing a Taylor Swift poster in a million pieces. "DAD! STOP!" my dad is laughing back to me when he seems the pain in my eyes. He teared more than one poster... "Don't stay there, brush your teeth and go to school!" my dead said. I feel my eye is blinking, but I also try to stay strong in front of my dad. Acting like it doesn't touch my heart, but actually it never worked pretty much... I learned to stay strong in front of others, because of my dad. He did always things like this to me, and why,,, 

I walked in the bathroom, brushed my teets and I make myself ready to leave home... I put in my earphones pretty loud with "artist : Taylor Swift" in shuffle and my way to school is full of tears streaming down my face.... Just when my shuffle's choice is Safe & Sound...