⚘ Synesthesia ⚘

⚘

Heyo.

So I know that the ending was kind of sad. But a lot of times in life things aren't happy. Believe me, I lost sleep and made myself sick by ending it like I did, but I felt like I needed to end it that way.

I actually used to have a happy ending to the story, and that's what I wrote in the beginning, but I ended up changing it. It didn't feel right to have this perfect storybook ending. So, I re-wrote the last chapters of the book and here we are now.

So, did Avery actually go though with killing himself?

I don't know.

You'll have to make that assumption. Do you think he was strong enough to keep living or was he not?

And to be honest, if the ending was happy, the two shouldn't have even considered a relationship until they had gotten better themselves.

I didn't want any mental disorders to be romanticized in this book. While Avery may have felt better with Ryder, he still wasn't completely okay. Ryder didn't just make all of his problems go away.

Sure, Ryder helped, but Avery's issues were still there. That's because even if you love someone, that doesn't mean everything is magically okay. Avery still had a ton of stuff he needed to deal with. Ryder might've done his best to save Avery, but overcoming his challenges was something Avery needed to do himself.

And I think when we saw him, Avery wasn't quite ready to do such a thing. And if he was, he didn't know where to start.

There's a lot of things that could've been done to help Avery and Ryder. And both of them could've done more to help the other and themselves.

Avery skipped therapy, stopped taking his meds, and refused to talk to his therapist/refused to try and find a new therapist that would suit him better. Avery and his mom completely disregarded what Ryder was facing, simply because they weren't sure how to handle it. Their loyalty was being tested, and they decided to choose Ryder and stay silent instead of trying to help him.

Mental disorders aren't fun. And they aren't romantic. They can be hell and they can make people miserable. Stuff like depression and anxiety and other things that are similar, can't be so easily cured. They're not really things you can just get over.

When you have these illnesses you develop habits. With anxiety, it can be things like twitching and tugging at hair. With depression it can be not taking care of yourself.

Habits are hard to break. It takes time and effort to get better. And it's not just one person who makes it all okay. It's a process and there's going to be bumps in the road to getting better.

Yes, other people can help and offer encouragement and support, but at the end of the day the only way someone will get better is is they want to and if they work at it.

Be proactive.

We need to take theses kind of issues seriously.

Because when we don't, a lot of people can get hurt.

And not all people are able to come back from that.