House Of Cards

8. "Si, mami."

Camila threw her hands up in what I assume was frustration. "I don't know if I can, and I don't know if it's worth telling them. Is this how it's going to be between us from now on, Lauren?"

"I can't do imbalances between me and someone else, no matter what the relationship is." I ignored her question. "You and I could be strictly acquaintances but I won't let you think you're above me or better than me-"

"I don't-" Camila tried to cut in.

"Just let me finish this." I said. "Whether that was your intention or not, you made kissing me seem like the worst thing in the world, like you just kissed one of your students. Camila, do you honestly think of me as an old student?"

"Not at all, that's why I had no problem swing you during breaks and going out with you."

"So then can you explain to me why it was so bad that you kissed me?" I asked. I noticed Camila swallowing hard.

"I think there were just a lot of 'what ifs' that hit me all at once. You have to agree that this isn't the most ideal relationship considering you were here when I was in a position of authority and now you're a coach while I'm in charge of athletics. It's a slippery slope for me. This might make me selfish, but it's way too early to tell if this is worth risking my job here. I know it may seem like I'm getting ahead of myself but if parents complain and it becomes a conflict of interest, my entire career is on the line." She explained and it definitely made sense.

"I feel like an idiot now." I revealed.

"No, you were right for freaking out, it doesn't justify what I said and how I reacted. I definitely belittled you. I didn't handle it properly at all, but I tried to. I think that last parts important. You need to understand the position I'm in." she practically begged.

"No, I do. I think we were both pretty unfair but Camila, if," I stumbled over my words.

"If what?" Camila interrupted, completely derailing my thoughts.

If I didn't know where I was going before, I definitely didn't know now. Somehow we had started this staring contest while Camila waited for me to finish my sentence and I waited for the words to come back to me. Somehow the staring contest continued but neither of us were looking at each others eyes.

It was so oddly frustrating because I wanted to be upset with her, I waited two weeks to shut her down but here I am and my arguments feel pointless. It wasn't with malicious intention whatsoever.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked, settling on posing a question instead of answering hers.

"Because I wanted to." Camila stated and I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped.

"You go around kissing whoever you feel like kissing?" My tone was meant to be playful but came out a little more serious than I anticipated.

"When they're hot enough, yeah." Camila teased and I rolled my eyes.

"We weren't talking ten minutes ago and you're already flirting with me?"

"And who's fault was it that we weren't talking?" She countered with a pretty solid point. "Look, you're stubborn and I overthink..."

I stopped listening at some point and it wasn't a completely conscious decision. In hindsight, I was always the queen of indecision so it made sense how completely contradictory my feelings towards camila have been; especially today. My eyes were fixated on the movement of her lips, often moving to her jaw.
I noticed how some of her movements were almost exaggerated while she spoke. I concluded that it was because of how pronounced her jawline was. It was irrelevant, whether her jaw moved more than the average persons did, because she eventually noticed that I wasn't paying attention anymore and was instead captivated by the movements of her lips and the flick of her tongue.