Beautiful When You Don't Try

Chapter 105

           

Between the stress, the fear, the pain, the guilt, and the panic, Lauren was slowly losing her grip. The doctor ordered something to help calm her anxiety. That, matched with the exhaustion of just having delivered twins, caused her to fall asleep to Camila's relief. When Lauren had fallen asleep with aide, everyone else took the time to retreat and sort out their own emotions. Camila wouldn't leave her side other than to try and peek in on the nursery, but the curtains were pulled most of the night.

The diva didn't even try and sleep. She stayed up and watched Lauren as she did, running her hand gently through her hair, and lightly kissing her cheek whenever emotions threatened to overrun her as well. She needed to be the strong one right now. Tears weren't going to help anyone at the moment. She just kept telling herself that when Lauren woke up, everything was going to be different. It was going to be better, or okay.

When the nurse brought Julian to them in the morning, she saw Lauren smile and knew that she had been right. Camila watched Lauren with him closely, loving every second of it but hating it at the same time. She was torn. She wanted to feel happy and ecstatic but felt guilty for gushing over one baby while the other could only be visited in the neonatal ICU.

"He has your eyes." The diva stated as she almost drooled over their son. He slowly blinked his eyes a few times, looking at them both as if he already knew who they were. "I'm so glad he has your eyes. That they have your eyes."

"I'm glad they at least got your hair." Camila smiled from her place in bed next to Lauren. The nurses had told them that it was against policy for them to share a bed but that wasn't going to stop them. Especially not after yesterday. Lauren needed Camila there and Camila needed Lauren to know she was there. "When can we go see him?"

"Gabriel?" Camila asked and looked at the clock. "The nurse said after they finish the shift change. So, another fifteen minutes."

The brunette nodded her head and looked back down at Julian. "So, you decided on Gabriel as his name? I thought you liked the name James better."

The diva ran her hand through her messed hair, unsure of how to proceed. "I thought Gabriel was more fitting. It's a Hebrew name meaning 'God is my might' and I thought that he could use a strong name like that right now." Camila explained looking into Lauren's eyes. "I know you're not really a believer, but..."

That had been a heart-breaking moment for Camila. When she was waiting with Lauren as she started to succumb to her sleep, the brunette rambled on, asking if he was punishing her. When Camila asked her if who was punishing her, Lauren said God. She wanted to know if he was punishing her for loving Camila. She said that she had tried so hard not to love her but she couldn't help it. The brunette had grabbed her wife's hand and just kept mumbling that she couldn't help but to love her and she was sorry for what it had caused. Lauren didn't seem to remember any of it now.

"It's fine. I love your reasoning. Julian Alexander Jauregui and Gabriel James Jauregui . Beautiful names for beautiful boys." She smiled lightly again, resting her head back, keeping her eyes locked with Camila's. Camila would give anything if that smile was to stay. She leaned down and kissed her wife tenderly, lingering in the connection before kissing her gently again.

Camila felt at peace for the moment when she touched her son's hand until she was hit with another wave of guilt for it. "Mom and Michael took Dad and Daddy to breakfast down stairs, hoping you would be awake by the time they got back." She explained, trying to take her mind off of it. "Scott, Dinah, and Keaton are on standby at home, getting everything baby-ready since we didn't have the cribs or anything put together yet. And Meg and Kim are sleeping in the empty room next to us. They didn't want to leave until they knew everything was okay." Julian sneezed and Lauren lifted her head while Camila shot up out of bed. "Is he sick? Should I get the nurse? Is he okay? Maybe he's allergic to something."