Beautiful When You Don't Try

Chapter 61

           

Camila was nowhere to be seen when Lauren got home. Smiling to herself, the brunette set her bag down by the elevator and made her way straight back to the guest room where she had left the naked diva. She peeked the door open a little to see Camila laying on the edge of the bed, her arm dangling off the side, and a light sheet covering her body. Lauren opened the door a little further and walked in. She knelt by the bed and gently brushed a few loose strands of hair out of her fiancé's face and kissed her forehead before kicking off her shoes and climbing into the bed behind her.

She drew faint designs on her back and shoulders with her fingers as thoughts and memories raced through her mind, trying to figure out exactly what she was wanting to say in her vows. In the last four months, Lauren had told the diva in every possible way how much she loved her and how she made her feel. She told her everything she needed to hear to convey the love that she had held for the brunette since they were kids. But at this moment, it didn't seem to be enough. She cursed herself when she caught sight of the tattoo on her wrist as she ran her finger over the diva's soft skin. What words miss. That's what she needed. She needed what the words missed.

"Why'd you stop?"

Lauren broke from her thoughts at the unexpected voice. "What?"

Camila slowly rolled over and tucked her head under the brunette's chin. "You were drawing on my back. It felt good, but then you stopped."

The photographer smiled adoringly and shifted so Camila rested her head on her chest still but her arm was now free to continue drawing on her bare shoulder. "Better?" The diva nodded and wiggled closer to her lover. "Sorry, I was just lost in thought."

"About your dad?"

"No. Though I did finally get a hold of Mom and she was actually kind of pissed with him showing up like this as well. She'll come over and talk about it after work tomorrow and avoid him until then." Lauren answered lightly. "But he's the furthest thing from my mind right now. I was actually thinking about you. You tend to be on my mind a lot."

"Oh, well that's sweet. What exactly were you thinking about?"

"That no matter what I do, I won't be able to give you everything I think you should have, or say everything that I think you should hear. You deserve so much more than is possible to give."

Camila pushed herself up and looked into Lauren's eyes as the brunette brushed her tangled dark locks out of her face. "Are you trying to tell me I'm high maintenance?"

"You're cute as hell is what you are."

"Well I knew that already." Camila teased and leaned forward to kiss her fiancé lightly, leaning back in for another as soon as they broke from the first. "I love you, Lauren. There are days where it actually scares me how much I love you. I've never needed someone like I need you. But the thing is, it scares me more because you're always there for me."

The brunette dropped her brow and shifted her head to look at the diva more directly. "I'm not following. I thought that would be a good thing."

Camila nodded. "It is, but it's scary as well. I guess I'm just afraid of having the rug pulled out from underneath me if you're ever not there for any reason."

"I'm always going to be there, Baby." Lauren assured her as the diva sat up.

"I don't know if it's the pessimist in me or just more of the realist, playing off of my past, but eventually you're not going to be there with the right words or grand romantic gestures."

"You know, you're just kind of confirming my fears that I can't give you everything." Lauren added as she pushed herself to sit up on the bed and meet Camila's eyes as they widened in panic.