Beautiful When You Don't Try

Chapter 106

When Michael got to the labor ward, he found Lauren sitting with Gabriel. Camila was still showing Julian to Meg and Kim and was now being joined by the other three grandparents. He tapped on the window and she looked back to him, her eyes puffy from crying. She turned to the nurse and said something he couldn't make out and the woman nodded, motioning for Michael to go to the door. After he was gowned and washed up, he slowly made his way to his daughter and grandson. No one besides Camila and Meg had seen him last night, and Lauren and the other two younger women were the only ones who had seen him this morning.

The first thing Michael noticed is the baby wasn't the right color. He wasn't that warm pink, but a spotty mixture of purple and blue. Camila had been correct when she said that his chest caved inward when he took a breath and the man found it heartbreaking to see. He cleared his throat of emotions and looked to his daughter before he could start tearing up himself. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "How are you doing this morning?"

"I'm okay." It was a simple response, but it wasn't a negative response. "He holds on to my finger." She stated, showing her father that Gabriel was in fact holding on to her finger. "He has a good little grip."

"He's strong." She nodded her head and went back to gently rubbing his hand with her thumb. "Do you remember anything from last night?"

"You mean my comment about God and loving Camila?" Her words were flat and lifeless, as if she still believed this was her fault and that perhaps God was indeed punishing her.

"Yes. That's what I meant." Michael was suddenly at a loss for words and he cleared his throat again, looking out of the nursery to the crowd huddled around the other baby. "I... I believe that you love Camila, like I love your mother." Lauren looked over her shoulder to him. He had never commented directly on their relationship or marriage in a positive manner before. He had complimented Camila as an individual, but never their relationship. "Perhaps even more."

"Perhaps. But you have done a lot to show how much you do love her after... everything else."

He nodded his head and sat down in a chair that he pulled up next to her. "I'm not wanting to talk about me though. I'm wanting to talk about you and why you think that God is punishing you for loving someone as much... and as deeply as you do."

"Because she's a woman Dad. How many times have you said it yourself? Queers and fags will always find their place in Hell."

He clinched his jaw and looked down to his lap as he crossed his arms over his chest. He was ashamed to have ever said something that cruel, especially hearing it from his daughter's lips, knowing that she was describing herself. "I use to believe it. But I find myself torn. I was reading my Bible the other day and smiled, knowing that God was full of love. He loved all of his children no matter how much they had sinned. He would always be willing to forgive them if they were truly repentant for their choices."

Lauren scoffed and looked back to her son, really not wanting to have this conversation right now. "Dad, I'm never going to apologize for loving her."

"I don't expect you to."

"Then why are you bringing it up?"

"Because I thought about you and Camila when I read it, and how you would never apologize for loving her. And... and that I was kind of proud that you would hold on to a love that strongly, knowing that it could have consequences like that."

"You're proud that I'm choosing to go to Hell?" She asked confused at the point he was trying to make.

"No. I'm not saying this right. Look, I'm trying to say that I don't believe that God is punishing you for loving Camila. I don't think he would do something like that. If it's your choice, then you would be the one to deal with the consequences, not the baby. And those consequences come after life, not during. What comes during are tests. Perhaps he has seen how much you care for her and is testing it, to see if maybe you made the right choice and he just over looked it."