Beautiful When You Don't Try

Chapter 91

Camila laid in bed where she had been for the last ten minutes, watching Lauren admire her stomach in the mirror. The brunette had thought her wife was still asleep as she gently ran her hand over her barely protruding belly. If Camila hadn't already memorized her wife's body, she probably wouldn't have even noticed the little bump that had developed over the last five weeks.

"Pregnancy looks good on you."

Lauren jumped, startled by the diva's voice. "I thought you were asleep." She stated, pressing one hand to her chest to calm her pounding heart as the other cradled her stomach protectively. It amazed Camila of how good a mother Lauren was already.

"I was... a while ago. You're starting to show a little."

The brunette smiled lightly and looked back in the mirror, loosening the pressure on her hand to allow it to glide over her stomach again. "A little. Sooner than last time too."

Camila shifted slightly, tucking her hand under her chin as she studied her wife's face. "Let me in."

Lauren huffed a little laugh. Camila knew her better than anyone. "I'm... I'm excited." She confessed softly then Camila saw her smile fade in the mirror. "But I feel guilty for it."

Now it was the diva's turn to scowl. "Why?"

"Because of Alex. She was my first but I was never excited about it." She closed her eyes for a second and then opened them again. "That was a lie. I was excited about her twice. The first time she kicked was the first. It was terrifying but exciting as well."

"How do you get a combination like that?"

Lauren turned around and lowered her shirt before heading back to bed. "It was terrifying because it made it all real. Before then, when I just kept getting bigger and bigger, it didn't mean anything. People gain weight all the time. Then when I felt her kick... she was real. I had a little person growing inside of me that somehow had to get out. That was another terrifying thought." She joked as she sat on the bed and Camila placed her hand on Lauren's stomach. "But it was also exciting because... I don't know how to explain it exactly. Knowing that I was responsible for bringing this little person into the world, that I provided her with life... it was amazing." The brunette shook her head and blinked away the memories.

"You should write that in the book you're going to give her. I'm sure it would mean a lot to hear about that."

"That there was a moment I was actually proud to have her?" Lauren asked, lessening the importance of the moment. She was struggling with Alex's book, dealing with the shame and embarrassment of the past while trying to preserve those meaningful memories for her daughter now. Thankfully Alex was an intelligent young girl who was very mature for her age and understood why Lauren's emotions while pregnant with her.

Alex's maturity had reduced the brunette to tears when she and Camila had flown back to Miami for Alex's eleventh birthday. They had gotten into the discussion and Lauren was struggling to tell her that she was glad Alex was here, she just wished the timing could have been better. Alex shook her head and said it was okay that she was ashamed of it in high school. Alex was just thankful that Lauren opted to actually have her instead of terminating the pregnancy before anyone found out. The younger brunette already understood the strength of character it took for Lauren to subject herself to everything she went through instead of just aborting.

"I know it sounds horrible to hear, but yes. I'm sure it would mean a lot to her to know about those moments when you smiled while thinking about her. She understands that if you could have, you would have chosen not to get pregnant, but it would be nice to know there were times where her existence did make you happy."