She let the dreary feeling wash over her and gradually succumbed to the darkness. Knowing that her love for him was overwhelming her, she fell further into the pitiless nightmare. There, she realized, that sometimes love doesn't conquer all.
Current...
••••• redamancy (n.) -the act of loving in return •••••
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THE sun that blazed throughout the day finally blackened, awakening the night up from its cool slumber. She sits on her bed, feeling simply out of it after the movie marathon she completed by herself. Four movies were watched in total-- two new and two old classic movies to which she often returned and played again. Rewatching a movie satisfied her, especially when the lines were engraved into her brain like a favorite song and the characters' emotions were reflected in her own eyes. When she watched movies in this way, she finally felt part of something. But the experience just felt odd without his presence.
He didn't call or text her about his whereabouts or whether he plans to come over again. She wants to know whether she was suppose to prepare for another sleepless night or crack the window. She itches to grab her phone and call him, but remembers that he is out with other people and didn't want to disrupt him in their presence.
She always fears her actions or feelings would detriment their friendship if she were ever to expose them. The overwhelming love she has for him would drive her crazy sometimes, so all rational ideas that usually fills her brain flys out the window. With the mixture of alcohol in her system, she would have been a blabber mouth, confessing everything to him under the click of a second. That's why she never drank when he was around, apprehensive that something meant to remain hidden might slip.
She continues to sit there and stare at her wall, as if the bland colors might somehow produce an end-all answer. It is still in the air, regarding her options to either open the window and survive through the cold winds blowing through the slit or wait to go to sleep and talk to him tomorrow morning. She decided on the latter, hope that he will keep his promise and show up later in the night sparking in her heart. Without him, she wouldn't have a full night sleep, at least not with the disturbance of her thoughts. Hatred spread through her brain at that moment, wishing she wasn't this needy.
She frowns as she realizes that she is reliant on his attention. She vows, at that moment, to become her own person. Laughter almost percolates in her throat, knowing that it would never work. Her love for him would overtake her rationality and her decisions become stupid. That is how it always went.
She'd gone a long while without a good rest. Her parents had been fighting for a long time, and she could never rest her mind from the racing thoughts caused by the surround turmoil in her life. The men lounging around her home around at the time made a lot of noise, and she feared that her doorknob would begin to rattle sometime soon.
Lately, even when she was wide awake, her eyes would droop and her body's movements became slow. She has not been able to get one full night's sleep for about two weeks, and tonight was the night she hoped that would all change. Standing gingerly, she pads over to the dresser on the opposite wall. She switches her daytime clothes for a basic t-shirt and cotton shorts. She was tempted to sleep with no shorts just to see his reaction when he hugs her from behind, but quickly locks the thought away.
Once again, she hides beneath the sheets. Under the sheets she felt as if she could disguise herself. She is warm but not at all as comfy as she was in his company. She closes her eyes and envisioned a life with him, filled with happiness and love.
She imagines that they would have graduated high school and both be accepted into the same colleges. Their dorm rooms would be walking distance away from each other so they could see each other every day. She would become an entomologist, studying insects and he would be a computer engineer, working and repairing for some of the biggest businesses. She continues to think positive thoughts until the sound of a window opening broke her from the reverie.
She sits up, watching as he haphazardly entered her room. From his body movements, she can guess that he was drunk, and her heart sinks with the revelation. He drops his wallet on the ground, once he stands firm in one spot, and swivels his eyes toward her. He gives her a watery-eyed, slobbery smile. She blinks hard and feels her heart clench with a powerful heave.
"I think... I think I'm in love," he slurs before he crashes to the floor in one big heap.
She immediately jumps up and runs over to him, squatting down to hold his head.
Her heart speeds up as she considers what he has said. He thinks he was in love? She hopes it was her that he speaks about, and she feels tears of joy gradually fill her eyes at the notion.
She laughs silently as a small smile crept across his face. He looks so beautiful.
"Oh really?" She mocks, "Who might the special girl be?"
She couldn't wait until her name spilled from his perfect mouth. This was it. He would finally reveal his love for her. They would finally be together and she wouldn't have to be alone anymo-
