She let the dreary feeling wash over her and gradually succumbed to the darkness. Knowing that her love for him was overwhelming her, she fell further into the pitiless nightmare. There, she realized, that sometimes love doesn't conquer all.
Current...
••••• metanoia (n.) the journey of changing one's mind, heart, self, or way of life •••••
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SHE walks to her seat mechanically, in a sort of trance. It is a bittersweet moment and she finds herself hating it. It's been five years, and she still hasn't moved on.
She received the invitation a few months back. It sat with the clutter of letters and bills left vacant near her bedside table. She remembers the way her heart clenched when she read the words for the first time, as she now unfolds the paper in her hands and reads the words again.
Please join us in the Holy Matrimony of Archer Smith and Caroline Robinson...
She had cried herself to sleep that night. It was heartbreaking and agonizing. The only thing to confront her was her old cat that her mother purchased from the little lady down the road a few years back. The geriatric cat licked her tears when they traveled down her palms.
She re-lived that day constantly. She remembered the true sorrow that had spread through each and every fiber of her being when she read those words.
She hadn't felt loss like that since her mother passed.
"All rise!"
She watches in a daze as everyone around her stands, grabbing their phones and plastering large smiles. She follows their movements, but leaves out the smile and the picture taking. With hands clasped in front of herself, she observes as the double-doors swings open, revealing her true love.
He still looks the same. He is still dashingly beautiful. They haven't spoken in about six years, but it feels like just yesterday when they were putting up stickers onto her room walls and glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling.
His eyes scan the crowd as he walks towards the altar. She anticipates when his will land on hers, but they seem to glide past before she can catch them. Disappointment settles in her chest, a feeling to which that she has grown familiar with over the years.
The wedding continues with all the groomsmen and bridesmaids walking down the aisle together. It is a gorgeous display, she can't deny it. The hopeless romantic trapped within her silently loves the aura weddings emit. But it is sad, at the same time, knowing she would never be able to experience being in the performance-- rather sitting and watching from the crowd.
She watches as Archer fumbles, nervously adjusting his wrist watch. Soon after, his eyes snap up and she sees the love that she wishes she had from him shine for another woman.
Pain.
She knows a lot about pain.
She became a master of it the day she learned he didn't love her the way she loves him.
She remains in a daze as the wedding proceeds. Her heart clenches during the vows and the beautiful kiss. She finally has to look away. Everyone shouts, and celebrates the newly married couple, but she can't wait to escape the confinements of the church. No one is allowed to enter or leave for fifteen minutes, so she finds herself drumming her hands on her blue dress in restless anxiety.
As soon as the coast looks clear, she walks as quickly as she can toward the exit. But, fate has other plans. She trips on a rug, clutching onto the first person she's near to stable herself. She exhales a soft apology and continues to scurry away. All she desired is to leave as quickly as possible in order to cry in her car.
She never should have come.
Someone grabs her arm and forcibly spins her around. Her first instinct is to protest, hating that this stranger is keeping her from releasing the rising tears in privacy. But the words of dissent catch in her throat. The only thing that pops into her head is beauty.
