Envision The Magic [Frerard] [By innocent_wolves on LJ]

Chapter Fifteen

December twentieth, Frank thought gloomily. December fucking twentieth.

Their journey had reached day nine and the ship was about to initiate its docking procedure, something that would wrap up this year's Christmas cruise. The Christmas of the real world awaited them back home, with endless hours of preparing meals, shopping insanity, gift wrapping, soaring blood pressure and family gatherings. Once they stepped ashore their guests would find themselves having to decorate their own trees, fill their own stockings and mix their own late night drinks. Driving home for Christmas – in a hurry.

Before he left with the cruise Frank hadn't even had time to go shopping for presents, let alone presents for his son's birthday, which was only two days away. He didn't seem to be able to find back to the excitement he'd first felt about the holidays. Actually, the holidays could already have ended and Frank wouldn't have noticed the difference. He just wanted to go home and sleep for the rest of the week.

The few remaining days he'd made carefully sure that he kept himself out of Gerard's way, but Gerard seemed to be more occupied than usual. After the magic show, Frank had only seen him together with the dark haired man once. They had been up on the sun deck, drinking coffee and looking out at the sluggish turquoise waves. Gerard had been talking and gesticulating about something that obviously annoyed him a little, while the other one was nodding thoughtfully to whatever important issues they were discussing. That was all Frank could make of it before he quickly turned around and walked the other way. After that he hadn't really seen either of them; he hadn't even spotted Tara hanging out with Gerard. He wasn't surprised about that. The unknown man seemed to be consuming all of Gerard's time anyway.

In an attempt to find back to his forgotten Christmas spirit and somehow rejoice in a halfhearted, awkward way, Frank had tried to focus all his attention on Caden. There was no chance in hell that the semi-toothless grin on that little boy's face would ever fail to work as a pick-me-up, but the effect was short-lived. That was the problem. By the end of the cruise he tried not to be with him too much because he realized that he was treating his son like some kind of painkiller. He was trying to numb out the sting in his heart by dedicating his undivided attention to him, and wonderful as it all seemed in the moment, he didn't want that in the long run. So he excused himself by saying that he was busy, although he promised that he would spend time with him once they were back home. It made him feel bad because he was lying, but he couldn't let himself obsess over his son like that. He needed time to think and sulk, which was something he knew Caden wouldn't fully understand, no matter how smart the kid was for his age.

***

The Destiny was expected to dock in half an hour and Frank was running his last usual errands. He was weaving his way past all the guests that had started to file into the lobby, trying to be graceful about it at the same time. As he crossed the room it felt like gravity was working on his face. The corners of his mouth were heavy, like lead, and it hurt to smile back at the colleagues and guests who passed him; they were so full of joy and Christmas spirit that it was almost annoying. He was pulling faces at them, that's what he was doing. His smile felt grotesque. The muscles around his mouth and eyes were screaming, as if they refused to do anything but mope.

He was on his way to the diner and more or less lost in his own thoughts when he looked up and spotted Gerard. He'd just been approached by a group of middle-aged women who were apparently asking for his autograph. They were fidgeting with their clothes and playing with their hair, giggling at every word he said. Gerard seemed to welcome their attention with his usual air of coolness, and when they asked if he was willing to pose for a picture he just smiled wryly and nodded.

Frank shoved his hands deeply into his pockets, focusing all his strength on becoming invisible and trying to shrink as much as he thought was possible. He passed them hurriedly and tried to avoid any stolen glances, but Gerard noticed him right away. Their eyes met, directly and inevitably, and even though Frank looked away as quickly as he could it didn't seem to matter. He heard Gerard excuse himself, before his muffled footsteps caught up with him.