Envision The Magic [Frerard] [By innocent_wolves on LJ]

Chapter Eighteen

[A/N: AAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDD THE LAST CHAPTER IS HEREEEEEE! XD]

Envision's offices were located light-years away from the Eurona apartments – or so it felt. Due to the holidays the traffic was unbelievable, and the streets were filled with people weaving their way past charity Santas and fellow last-minute shoppers. Frank had sunken back against the leather seats, the heat making his t-shirt cling to his back. He absently opened the window in an attempt to catch a soothing breeze, but all he got was exhaust and a dozen blaring car horns.

He didn't care. His mind seemed completely empty, a sense of nothingness having settled in him; even the butterflies had stopped trashing around. If this feeling meant that he was giving up then he was pretty much halfway there.

"Envision, Sir, right down the road," the taxi driver announced, yanking Frank out of his blank, empty thoughts. He pointed through the windscreen. "Faster if you run, no?"

Frank sat up and craned his neck. The driver was right; he could clearly see the vertical row of big, silver letters forming the word "ENVISION", which decorated the side of a tall, stony building. A number of large flags were waving in the distance, propped up right above the entrance, and Frank could make out the cruise line's logo on the nearest one. Now that he had the building in view he realized it provided him with new energy. He'd bothered to go this far; to give up now would be a waste. He found his wallet, pulling out a couple of dollar bills that he hoped covered it all and shoved them into the driver's hand.

"Keep the change," he told him, "and thank you so much."

"You have good luck!" he called after him, leaning out the window and watching him as Frank fought his way past waiting cars and motorbikes. "Good luck and Merry Christmas!"

Thankfully, the guard outside the building just threw one lazy glance at him, not giving him a harder time than what was necessary. Frank had pinned his work ID to the hem of his t-shirt, just in case; at least no one could deny him access to this building. The stinging sunlight had relentlessly attacked the back of his head, the heat drenching him in sweat, so the coolness of the marble lobby was more than welcome. Looking around, Frank immediately felt out of place; no matter where he turned he could only see people who were more or less formally dressed. He wavered uncertainly for a second or two, before he took a deep breath and straightened up. Not allowing himself to hesitate any longer, he quickly strode across the floor, trying his best to give everyone the impression of total control and confidence.

The large information board next to the elevators told him that "Employment Affairs" were situated on the fifth floor. Frank's eye then caught the word "Management", something that made him linger. He chewed thoughtfully on his lip. Any other person would go to employment affairs if they had anything to discuss about their contract, but then again, Gerard wasn't just any other person. He'd always put himself far above the rest of the employees aboard the Destiny, giving the impression that he didn't belong together with the unworthy mass of waiters, casino dealers, chefs and deckhands. Most likely he would go directly to the boss, not wanting to deal with something as trite as employment affairs.

"You gotta think like him to find him," Frank muttered to himself, mentally crossing his fingers and glancing up at the board one last time before he hit the nearest elevator call button.

On his way up he was joined by three elderly men who were typically enough headed for the same floor as well. They all glanced at him as if he'd accidentally strayed from his usual pack and ended up on unfamiliar turf. Frank responded by leaning casually against one mirrored corner and folded his arms in an attempt to make it look like he didn't care. When they finally reached their destination, Frank's three elevator buddies strode off in their own separate directions. He glanced around, feeling a little lost when he realized that "Management" was actually quite a complicated thing. What had he expected anyway? That everyone would be gathered around a table and that he'd stumble upon them the moment he stepped out of the elevator? Besides, he had no idea where Gerard was, whether he was with the executive, the CEO or the director. He didn't know who was responsible for what and it wasn't like he could go knocking on every door. For all he knew he could be in the "Employment Affairs" section after all.

"Excuse me, but do you need help?"

A woman appeared next to him. She was carrying a bunch of folders and was looking at him with an uncertain frown. He guessed she was some kind of secretary.

"Uh…" Frank hesitated; he knew he wouldn't be getting anywhere unless he chose his words carefully – or lied. "Well, yeah… Gerard wouldn't happen to be here, would he? Gerard Way, I mean. I was supposed to meet him downstairs but I think he must've headed up here without me… Unless he's been here already?"

"Mr. Way..." she began slowly. "Well, he's in a meeting with Mr. Markham right now."

"Mr. Markham?" Frank tried to act indifferently as his stomach lurched, astonished by his sheer luck.

"Yes – Mr. Markham," she repeated, staring at him suspiciously. "Our Chief Executive?"

"Oh! Right." He made an attempt at a carefree laugh and actually felt a little impressed with himself; at least he'd been convincing enough to get that out of her. "Mr. Markham, of course. Okay, I guess they've started without me then. I was supposed to be there but I ran late and – yeah, you know what I mean."

The secretary looked like she didn't know what Frank meant at all. "I'm sorry," she said, her eyes suddenly alert, "I only recall putting Mr. Way up for an appointment… What did you say your name was again?"

"No, no, that's fine," Frank said quickly, carelessly waving his hand at her question. He was slowly edging away from her, having finally spotted the name "J. Markham: CEO" next to one of the nearby office doors. "I work for Envision, too," he added, pointing at his work ID. "Look; employee. No worries."

"But – but you can't use that for appointments," she stuttered, her voice increasing when it dawned on her that he was headed towards the CEO's office. "Sir!" she continued, the folders starting to slip out of her arms. "Sir, you can't just go in there – !"

It was too late; Frank had already sprinted down the corridor and pushed the door open without knocking. In his hurry he'd also put far too much strength in it; it swung open with great force, causing him to stumble clumsily into the room. For a moment all he could see was the splendid city view in the background, the large mahogany desk and the man seated behind it. Then he noticed Gerard sitting in the chair opposite to him, the only person he'd seen so far wearing a Rolling Stones shirt and jeans instead of the fancy Hugo Boss suits. He turned around when the door flew open, a mix of disbelief and wonder in his eyes, and now he was staring at Frank as though he was an alien who had just sailed right trough the window. All of a sudden he felt tremendously stupid. He deeply regretted the fact that he had interrupted them so abruptly.

"What the –" the man behind the desk began, slowly getting up from his chair. Frank gulped nervously, discreetly trying to hide his work ID with his hand; he hoped he wasn't going to get fired on the spot.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Markham," the secretary breathed, having caught up with him. "I couldn't stop him." She sounded utterly horrified.

Frank's mouth had gone dry in an instant. "I – I apologize," he began, finding it best he started talking, "but, uhm, I need to talk to Gerard, it's – it's really urgent. Like, 'right now'… urgent."

He hooked his thumbs into his pockets, unsure of what he was supposed to do with his hands. It didn't make him feel any less awkward so he unhooked them again, crossing his arms instead.

"Gerard?" CEO Markham regarded him doubtfully, before his eyes darted back to Frank. "Do you know this guy?"

Gerard didn't answer, his eyes narrowing slightly as they stared at each other. Frank thought he was going to shake his head and tell him that no, he didn't know this guy and that they could call security and take him away. It was probably just some nutcase anyway. Right there and then the space between them seemed like an ocean.

"Actually… Yeah," he said eventually, to Frank's great relief. "Yeah, I know him. And it's probably best I go with him. If Frank thought it was necessary to come all the way down here and interrupt our meeting in this... uh, interesting way, then I guess it's something extremely important. Right, Frank?"

"Uh, yeah." He nodded immediately, blushing violently. "Right. That's right. It is."

Gerard rose from the chair, still regarding him with slight wonder. He stepped closer and looked down at him with a frown, before he reached out to put an arm on his shoulder.

"We'll take this outside," he said, giving him a slight push. He arched his eyebrows at him, urging him to move. "If that's okay with you?"

"Oh, right," Frank replied. "Right. Yeah – we'll, uh, take this outside."

His thoughts raced through a bunch of profanities; he realized he'd answered him with "right" about a dozen times already, but his vocabulary felt no bigger than that of a two-year-old.

"Excuse us, Jim." Gerard smiled at his boss, acting admirably graceful about the whole situation. "I'm just gonna have to leave, I'm so sorry."

They walked out of the office. Gerard steered Frank determinately past the speechless secretary, not stopping until they were well out of earshot of everyone. When they'd reached the elevators he finally let go of his arm. He just looked at him and waited, the expression on his face not giving away anything. Frank couldn't help but think that this might have been a bad idea after all.

"So… I'm sorry about interrupting your meeting and… everything," he said at last, not knowing what else he was supposed to use as an icebreaker. He moved uncomfortably.

"That's fine," Gerard replied flatly. "Just tell me what the deal is."

"I… I met your brother earlier."

"Oh, did you finally?" His voice was void of any enthusiasm, his response lacking the interest it should have had; instead it just fell between them like deadweight sarcasm. "Good for you."

"Yeah… And he probably thinks I'm a total freak. Look, Gerard – I'm sorry about earlier." He shrugged one shoulder awkwardly. "You've got every right to be mad at me. If I hadn't been a first class jerk we wouldn't be standing here right now. I'm so sorry," he said again.

Gerard didn't answer. He had folded his arms across his chest and sucked thoughtfully on his lip, just looking at him.

"You know, there's a Starbucks located in the building next to this one," he said eventually. His voice was surprisingly casual, as if that was what they'd been talking about all along; where they were supposed to buy coffee. "You can walk right through from the lobby so it's pretty convenient. I've only had one cup this morning so if you don't mind, I'm gonna go down there. You can come with me if you like."

Frank stared at him, not sure what he meant about this random announcement.

"Uhm… Okay," he replied in the end, frowning. "Fine. I guess I don't mind."

Without wasting any more time, Gerard headed straight for the elevators and hit the call button. While they stood there waiting, Frank realized that there was nothing about him that suggested he was nervous or otherwise tense. He seemed absolutely relaxed; his hands were steady and the vague expression upon his face hadn't changed at all. He knew the guy was a good actor but his behavior was slightly unnerving. This was almost a little too creepy, even for Gerard.

They stood together in awkward silence as the elevator made its way down – at least that's how Frank felt. He had never experienced an elevator moving that slowly before. At the same time he hoped intently that somebody else was going join them but still, no one did. It was just the two of them and no one uttered a single word; the only sound was the faint, ambient music filling the enclosed space.

Okay, what now? Frank thought desperately. Lisa said the rest would come to me but when the fuck is that supposed to happen?

He tried his damndest not to look at him. He cleared his throat in an attempt to make Gerard turn to look at him instead, but he didn't react. Maybe he should stop beating around the bush and just head straight for the main point. Two ideas occurred in his head; he could stop the elevator all together and force Gerard to respond properly, or he could dive straight into it and kiss him. However, a light Ping! interrupted his thoughts before he could seriously consider any of it, and the doors slid open to reveal the lobby. Without hesitation and with his hands tucked into his pockets, Gerard quietly brushed past him and crossed the marble floor.

He nodded a couple of "Hi"s and "Hello"s at some of the business-casual people he passed, before he made his way through the shiny Starbucks doors.

"Regular coffee," he told the barista. He seemed to have forgotten all about Frank, who had to jog slightly to keep up with him. "Make that two," he then added absently, before he could cut in and order the same. "Short, mild, no room."

Frank stopped looking for his wallet, watching Gerard as he paid for the coffee and put a considerable amount of money into the tip jar at the same time.

Silence settled between them again while they were waiting for their order. He glanced over at Gerard, who was just studying the newspaper stand with mild interest. Frank wasn't sure how to deal with it; he'd never seen him act like this before. He didn't say anything when their order was up, he just wordlessly handed him one of the cups.

"Uhm, thanks," Frank said, uncertainly.

"Free table in the shade," he replied, sounding like he'd never even bought him any coffee in the first place. He was nodding towards the café on the pavement outside. "Come on."

He strode towards the exit, again forcing Frank to pick up a slight jog. By now he was starting to get a little annoyed.

At least he's telling me to come with him, he thought to himself, focusing on Gerard's messy dark hair as he followed him past all the occupied tables. As expected, the silence resumed after they'd taken their seats.

"Okay," Gerard nodded at last, talking to his untouched coffee. "There's a limit to how long I can keep doing this so I guess I'll start." He shrugged slightly; he glanced up for a split second, before looking back down. "What can I tell you, Frank? I've been a fucking jerk."

Frank didn't reply. He kept twisting the lid on his coffee absently, thinking it was best he let him talk without any interruptions this time.

"I think I've known that for a while too," he continued, "but this whole magician role… It's a complicated one, I can tell you that. It's not easy trying to be a normal person when you've been playing this part for so long – and I've been this person for years, twenty-four-seven. Ever since I was seven and my Dad got me a magic kit for beginners... Ever since then, it's been the only thing I was really good at. I'm good at fooling people into believing in non-existent things. I do it for a fucking living." He sighed. "I don't know, I honestly think I've got a crappy personality for magic. It takes a pretty levelheaded person to separate the image from the person and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do that. I should have split my life into a private and a public one ages ago but… I guess I never got around to it. It's easier to just be the image anyway."

Gerard was still talking to his coffee. He ran his hand through his hair, only to let it fall back into his face.

"But I'm trying to change that," he said sincerely. "I'm honestly trying. I'm taking baby steps at the moment though, so maybe it doesn't seem like a lot to brag about, but… I decided I'd try to change anyway, whether it was gonna be with or without you. I figured if… if I found someone else, by any chance, I wouldn't do the same mistake all over again. Like you said, I don't wanna realize I'm a huge joke when it's already too late to fix it. There's no point in explaining it all away by saying that I fell back to my old tendencies or something. I can't tell people that I'm just like that; that I can't help it. I don't wanna hide behind that, so yeah, I really am trying." Gerard stared absently at the logo printed on his coffee cup. "Thing is, improving on your own isn't easy."

"I'm sorry I didn't want to listen to you earlier," Frank said, starting with the only thing he could think of. Then he let out a short laugh that only came out like an ironic snort. "I think I was just so hung up on wanting you to understand how big of an asshole you had been that I kinda became one myself. If I said yes to you, I thought I was only gonna end up waiting for you to change back into your old self. I guess I was just scared. But yeah, you surprised me. I never thought you were actually going to leave all together. You don't have to do that." He hesitated shortly, before adding: "I don't want you to."

"I already did, Frank." Gerard leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "You came in about five minutes after the contract was officially cancelled. And I'm not going back to change it now."

Frank's hands tightened around his hot coffee, almost squeezing the paper cup too much. His jaws clenched and he stared at him, his heart dropping heavily.

"Fuck," he muttered, fighting to suppress the urge of repeatedly hitting himself in the face. "Gerard – if that was me who drove you to do that, then… I'm really sorry."

"Nah, you shouldn't be." Gerard smiled weakly and shrugged, almost a little embarrassed. "I had thought about it earlier, and that's the truth. I don't think I can continue working in a place where both my mind and the ground I walk on are constantly moving. And since you said you weren't interested anymore I figured I didn't really have anything to keep me there. My management's been pestering me about it for ages too, saying it's about time I looked at other possibilities and aimed a little higher again. Advancing within Envision means becoming captain of a ship or something anyway," he added jokingly, "and we definitely don't want that to happen."

"I'm still very sorry," Frank repeated, his mouth gone dry again.

Gerard nodded quietly, accepting his apology. Then he looked up at him, squinting slightly against the few rays of sunlight that had managed to break into the shade.

"Are you here because you're giving me a second chance?" he asked, a faint, hopeful tone in his voice.

Frank threw his eyes down, biting his lip thoughtfully.

"I was, yeah…" he began, sighing heavily. "And I'll forgive you and everything, of course. I'm glad things are kinda settled now, but... the main reason why I wanted to find you was so I could stop you from leaving, and you've already done that. I'm not gonna lie to you; it would be great if we could have sorted things out at work. It would've been convenient. I feel like I've tried to make an effort so many times now that going through one more is gonna kill me. I'm just not sure where we stand or... what we've got."

"Well… How about we try and sort things out during the holidays?" Gerard suggested. He looked slightly worried, even though he was trying his best to conceal it. "I understand that you feel that way and I know that most of this is my fault, but like I told you that night I fucked up my show; if I knew we'd end up like this, I never would've behaved the way I did in the first place. So… how about you spend some time with me these next couple of weeks and we'll just see how it turns out. It can't get any worse anyway."

"Gerard – I've got a kid," Frank pointed out. "I have to be with Caden. It's my very first Christmas together with him and he still comes first in line."

The man on the other side of the table hesitated, his fingers absently picking at the plastic lid on his cup.

"Of course," he nodded at last, "I know. But… I've got plenty of room in my apartment. Way too much for only one person anyway, and Mikey and Alicia aren't gonna stay for Christmas. So yeah. You've got a kid and... I've got room."

His voice trailed off and they exchanged a quick glance. When they looked away Frank couldn't help but laugh a little. That was Gerard's way of saying that he didn't really have any excuses.

"Alright, and how do you suppose I get hold of you?" he asked, his mouth still curled into a smile. "If we're gonna hang out then I'll need your number or something. I'm not keen on going through another crazy cab ride."

When Gerard looked back up, Frank realized that he was blushing; it was the first time he'd ever seen him blush.

"If you want it then check your pockets," he said, surrendering himself to a short, nervous laugh. "The right one. I meant to give it to you back on the Destiny, before we parted, but... you know."

Frank arched an eyebrow at him, slowly reaching into his pocket. Straight away he felt his fingertips touch upon something paper thin and stiff; he could easily tell that it was a playing card. He shot Gerard a confirming glance and rolled his eyes. Of course he'd already managed to slip something into his pocket; anything else would have been unexpected.

"When?" he asked as he pulled out the card, revealing a Jack of Hearts.

"In the elevator, right before we got out," Gerard admitted. "It was easy; you were too busy freaking out to notice."

Frank shook his head. "I should've known."

"I have to admit I wanted to see if you could put up with the silent treatment," he laughed. "I was just getting even with you."

"Well, fuck you for that," Frank replied, although he couldn't help but grin back at him. That was probably justified, all things considered.

He studied the card resting in his palm. It looked like any other, ordinary playing card, except from the 10-digit number scribbled in black across the red checkered print on the back.

"Do you have office hours for this number?" he asked, tracing the digits absently with his finger, not able to hide the skeptical tone in his voice. "I mean, I'm probably sharing it with a lot of different… people."

"Let me see…" Gerard began, pretending to think about it carefully. "Added Mikey and my parents I guess it makes four of you. Plus my management, but I don't really spend that much time on the phone with those guys. I dealt with my number when Mikey boarded," he explained. "That was the first thing he told me to change. So if you're thinking about the coins I've been handing out, they're pretty much useless now."

Frank looked up at him, hit by a sense of slight wonder. "Oh, okay. Wow." He hesitated, before he slid the card across the table towards him. "I'm a little curious though; what's the deal with you and the Jack of Hearts? Seems like a favorite."

"Uh, honestly? I'm not sure. But all the Jacks are a bit of a joke." Gerard shrugged, tilting his head curiously at the card facing them. "They're just this bunch of vulgar, misunderstood tricksters. A colleague of mine told me that the Jack in this suite has a reputation of being irritable and impulsive. Actually, he's an emotional person all together. Completely hopeless. But when he does something, whether it's in a good or bad way, he goes for it with all his heart."

"That probably applies to both of us," Frank nodded slowly. He reached out and pulled the card back. "What happens if I tear this thing apart?"

"I'm gonna try and restore it." Gerard gave him another one of his wry smiles, although this one was an entirely different version, completely void of all sarcasm and arrogance. This time his eyes were actually smiling as well. "I don't care if I have to fucking tape it together. Seriously, Frank – now that I've finally got you going you're not getting rid of me that easily."

Frank tried to fake his irritation the best he could, although he only ended up smiling again. They remained quiet for a little while, sharing a strangely calm and peaceful moment. It was like a weight had been removed from his shoulders, making it much easier to think and breathe.

"You're right," he said at last, grinning. "I guess oceans are meant to be crossed."

"You still have Christmas shopping to do?" Gerard then asked, looking at him with his eyebrows raised.

"Do I," Frank snorted. "I have fucking everything left. I even have to find something for my kid's birthday."

"Need help?"

Frank looked up. There was still something oddly flamboyant about Gerard, something familiar that seemed to settle around him during his shows. It was a magician's trait that would probably never fade; it would always make him seem like a semi-God, whether he wanted to or not. After all, he had every illusion under control. The only difference was that this time, the semi-God had decided to descend and live among the mortals. He was someone who had grown used to being human and was finally ridding himself of all his diva tendencies, and he was okay with keeping himself humble and a little awkward. Frank didn't find him intimidating or intense anymore.

"Yeah," he nodded at last. "I'd appreciate that."

Gerard flashed him a smile and pushed his coffee away. He stood up and was about to leave the table when Frank reached out and grabbed him by the wrist. To hold him back like that felt like an involuntary spasm, something his feelings were doing in order to override his body and brain. Frank knew instinctively that he didn't want everything to begin with a casual day spent at the mall. Before they fell into the shyness that usually came with second chances, he needed to break the ice with something that could at least look like a promise.

"Please do it again," he eventually said, still with fingers closed firmly around Gerard's wrist.

"Uhm..." He frowned back at him, confused. "Do what again?"

"What you tried to do back on the Destiny earlier." Frank shrugged awkwardly, his face turning a shade of dark red. "You know... Kiss me."

Gerard stared at him, the confusion in his hazel eyes morphing into plain surprise. He opened his mouth slightly, as if he was about to ask why, but then he had a change of heart and closed it again. He looked at Frank with his head tilted, apparently considering what was requested of him, before he carefully pried his hand away from his wrist. Moving closer, he wordlessly reached out and gave his shoulders a light, friendly squeeze. For a moment Frank thought he was only going to laugh at him and say "I'm sorry, but I'm not doing that here". Instead, after an additional couple of seconds, Gerard looked at him with a wry smile and put his arms around him, pulling him into an embrace. Frank closed his eyes and rested his chin against Gerard's shoulder. He didn't know if he was trying to make him relax or if he was just playing for time, but either way he exhaled slowly, savoring the immense feeling of relief that rushed through him.

"You know that pretty much everyone is staring at us right now?" Gerard eventually pointed out, the light strain in his voice caught somewhere between excitement and impatience.

He stirred and pulled away slightly, still with his palms pressed against the small of Frank's back. He fixed his eyes on him, his eyelashes throwing the smallest shadows possible against the skin beneath his eyes.

"I know," Frank nodded and leaned in, his lips hovering just inches away from Gerard's. "And if that's why you're hesitating, then fine," he muttered jokingly. "I'll fucking meet you halfway."

Their lips met and Frank couldn't help but smile into the kiss. This time he felt that he was actually kissing the Gerard Way he'd been looking for all this time. He was still the impressive magician on stage, the intrusive man in the corridor and the Manhattan-drinking bar guest, but for the first time he also believed that the man he'd kept coming back to had finally emerged being himself. Frank was kissing them all at the same time. Pieced together like that, he had the magician figured out.

When they broke apart, Gerard reached up and brushed some of Frank's hair away from his face. Then he frowned at the light pink patch that was still blossoming on his cheek.

"What happened to you?" he asked, his fingertips carefully skating over the faint bruise.

"Lisa happened," Frank replied, giving him an apologetic, one-shouldered shrug.

"Oh." Gerard nodded slowly, dawning comprehension eventually replacing his frown. "Of course." He drew his breath, as if he wanted to say something more, but in the end he only pursed his lips and fell silent. "I seriously can't think of anything to say anymore," he finally admitted, a sheepish grin stuck on his blushing face. "I always know what to fucking say."

"I'll take it as a compliment that you're finally spellbound," Frank chuckled.

"Yeah, I know." He tucked his hands into his pockets, still smiling. "It's kinda in the cards that I talk too much."

"Hey, that would be pretty cool actually; if you could read cards. Like, Tarot or whatever it's called. I've never believed in that sort of thing but a magician's perspective on the future would be interesting."

Gerard shook his head. "I think you mean old women with heavy accents and headscarves," he joked, teasing him a little. "Magicians just make cards disappear. But you know what – I'll give you an educated guess. The future looks magical. Or is that just incredibly lame?"

"Oh, wow." Frank laughed and wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, that's pretty fucking lame." He hesitated and glanced up at him, squinting his eyes against the sun. "But if that's your best bet then sure, I'll believe you."

When they finally abandoned the café and their cold coffee, a bus decorated with a shiny Envision ad passed them. It edged by, stuck in the middle of the never ending river of cars. Frank spotted the slogan printed in big letters against the colorful photograph and smiled to himself.

Envision it. Now live it.