Just Make Du'aa

• p r o l o g u e •

Dina

I once read this text post, about how some Muslim families never give their daughters freedom, so the girls grow up thinking they can only be free when they get married. According to the text post, this leads to girls depending on a spouse for the rest of their lives and never really taking life into their own hands. Now, I personally have very mixed feelings about this text post. On one hand, I agree that some Muslim families overdue the whole 'protect your daughter's' deal. Some Muslims are so focused on making sure their daughters grow up to be the perfect Muslim that they derive them of everything that shapes their beliefs and solidifies the religion. Doing so suffocates a girl, because in all honesty we just want some freedom. So when the only thing we hear when we ask for some freedom is 'you'll get enough of that when you get married,' we end up dreaming of that day because we can't live comfortably with our parents.

On the other hand, I don't believe that this makes the muslim woman dependent on her husband and unable to be strong and self reliant. That's more of a personal thing. It has nothing to do with religion; some women are independent and others are not. The way my parents raised me has nothing to do with whether or not I will become a strong, independent woman. And marriage certainly doesn't mean that I'm putting my freedom in the hands of a man. In fact it means the opposite, I'm taking it into my own hands by choosing to run a life separate from my parents, with the man I choose.

From what I've already said, you can conclude that life with my family is somewhat constricting. In all reality, my parents are not to blame for that. They moved to a foreign country in search of a better life for me, but they never got over the culture shock, and they tried raising me the way you'd raise girls in Egypt: with a social life strictly limited to school and outings with friends they approved of. The system never actually bothered me. Honestly the thing that constricted my freedom most was how different my world was from theirs. As I grew up I developed different opinions on culture, social structure, human rights, and politics. This naturally increased the disagreements between my parents and I, especially my father. And living with them became kind of suffocating.

I started looking forward to college because I could live away from my parents and learn more about myself. I love and respect them. But in all honestly, living with them just made our disagreements increase, so I was relieved when I got into a university far enough that I'd have to move away, but close enough for my parents to let me go without much of a fight.

Something I didn't think much about when I moved away was how much emotional baggage I collected throughout the years with my parents. In attempt to live the life their way and mine at the same time I managed to really screw myself up with some serious anxiety issues. I've been aware of this... condition for years! It's been a major reason I looked forward to leaving. For a while, praying and becoming closer to my religious roots really helped. But then, with the stress of college and a new life, things got out of hand. I definitely was enjoying my new freedom, and I felt that I was handling it well, but there was something off about my mental health, and I needed to fix it.

When I talked to my mom about it, she said "honey this is why women shouldn't be alone, you need stability my daughter." I told her that I wasn't compromising my education so I can go home with my family, "no no! I'm not saying that, although it would be nice. I'm just saying maybe..." I had to push her to say what she was thinking, "you're twenty years old now Dina, maybe you should start thinking about marriage."

"No, no way mama I'm not ready. I just needed someone to talk to, that's all."

After a quick goodbye, I hung up, my heart still beating. That's the thing with my mom, sometimes all I need to feel better is a mother to talk to, and I can talk to her. She tries to help, but somehow she always says the wrong thing. At least I can talk to her, right?