Just Make Du'aa

• t w e n t y • n i n e •

Farouz

"I don't deserve the forgiveness," I told sheikh, "this all makes me feel like I was never really was muslim. If I was, a mistake like this wouldn't happen."

Sheikh shook his head, "a mistake like this is made by those Allah chooses to test, your faith is being tested. Why are you so willing to fail, my son?"

He watched me as I wracked my brain for an answer. "Everything I do seems to hurt Dina. I just keep throwing things at her and she takes it all like a champ, mashallah. But I think she finally reached her limit, you know? I really think she's done with me."

"Dina is a good woman," he replied, "she won't leave your side."

When Dina said her parents were here to help, she didn't lie. Her mother cooked every meal, cleaned the house, and made sure our every need was met before it even became a need. "You know," she said once, as she scrubbed down the sink, "I would usually push her to work on her own. However, she really seems to be hurting a lot." At that, my mother in law took off her gloves and turned to face me, "there is something you need to know, Farouz." Her accent was thick, but she made sure I understood every word. "My daughter has a very big heart. When she loves someone, she will give her life for them without a moment of hesitation. And my daughter loves you. I hear it when she talks about you and I see it in her eyes. Now, I am not one of those mothers who loves who her daughter loves. I have told her many times that I believed the people in her life were not good. If I believed that about you, this marriage would not have happened. My daughter deserves the best. And I believed that you are that." She turned to leave the kitchen, "prove me right."

Dina's father and I were on our way home from Friday prayer when he gave me his two cents on the situation. "I don't like this, Farouz," he said. "I gave you my daughter and you did not honor the promises you made to me. You've made a big mistake. If it were up to me, I would have my daughter back in my home and away from you. But it isn't, she makes her own decisions and for some reason leaving you is something impossible to her. So I am telling you this: pick yourself up. If you bring my daughter down you will have me to deal with."

I wasn't doing anything and yet I kept digging myself into a deeper hole. My wife slipped through my hands and I realized that I pulled a lot of strength from her. After she stopped talking to me I stopped talking to everyone else. Of course I still wanted to get out of this situation but I couldn't see the other side of the hill. And I was tired. Some sick part of me missed how I forgot when I drank, and that scared me.

"Yo, yo, yo, if it isn't the royal screw up," Aladdin joked as I climbed into his car. "Why haven't you been answering our calls man?"

"Seriously!" Brendan turned to glare at me, "we've been worried sick."

"Just drive," I groaned, "I don't want to deal with this right here." They gave me questioning looks, "everyone in that house hates me, guys. And I can't be bitter about it because they all have a right." My friends exchanged a look, "what?"

"They do have a right, but if anything we're more at fault than you. No, don't try to counter me dude," Aladdin sighed, "I screwed up. So I'm going to help you."

I scoffed, a smile spreading across my features, "and how's that?"

"By helping you forget for just a couple hours," Brendan winked. And as if on cue, Aladdin drove off.

My friends did help, they made sure to fill my time and keep me busy. They called themselves the buffer to my problems, but they were more than a buffer. They called me out when I did something wrong. The biggest issue they kept bringing up was my marriage. "To be frank, you're a complete douche," Brendan shrugged, shoveling some food into his mouth.