Just Make Du'aa

• t h i r t y •

Farouz

    We learned to work together, we both knew that a few sentences in the park weren’t going to fix everything. But now we worked together for it, and we were happy. I wanted to go somewhere, get away from our responsibilities and have fun together. But Dina stood her ground, she wanted everything to go back to the way it was. I went back to work and she continued with her life, and we met in the middle. Everything was good, alhamdulillah. Of course, there were nights when I felt the need to pray more and stay up reading Quran, and asking for forgiveness for what I did. On those nights, when Dina woke up to find me praying or reading Quran, she would wait until I could stop, and she’d get me a glass of water and kiss my cheek, “you need to sleep,” she’d say, “care for yourself and Allah will forgive you.”

    There were also nights when she couldn’t sleep. She grieved for my sister, Dina told me one night that she’d picked a name for her. Helal, it meant crescent moon. “Because she was a light that came out of a dark situation.” Her grief kept her up sometimes. There were nights when I’d stir and not find her next to me, I’d find her sitting at the foot of the bed, going through the clothes that were meant for her. One night, when I woke up and found her, she said, “we should donate these. There are families in muslim countries that can’t afford this. We need to donate them.” So we did just that, because she said that it would make her feel better.

    Dina’s psychologist helped her so much, her life seemed to flip around. She had more life in her, and she sounded so wise when she spoke. My wife’s finals were coming in about a month, and she had started an internship as well. She was busy and always bustling around. “I’m almost done,” she singsong and danced around me, “I’m graduating this May.”

    “Are you? I forgot, you never talk about it,” I teased.

    “I am,” she giggled, “and Ramadan is also in May! Our first Ramadan together, aren’t you excited?”

    Dina looked up at me through her lashes and bit her lip excitedly. She looked so sweet, then her fingers started fiddling with my collar. Almost instinctively, my hands went down her back and I leaned into her. My wife met me halfway and kissed me with a feverish passion and confidence that was new and welcome. She became a lot more confident after the whole ordeal. Dina no longer waited for me to make a move, if she wanted something she went for it. And that made me absolutely crazy for her. “So,” I breathed when she pulled away, “what’s after graduation? Have you started looking at graduate schools?”

    She arched her eyebrow, “not...really? I had planned to take some time off when we still had Helal. When she passed, I never really looked at schools. I think I might still take the year off.”

    “Why?” My response surprised her, “I mean, we have the money alhamdulillah. Why not just go for it?”

    My wife chuckled and moved closer, her hands pulling at the waist of my sweats, “I don’t know! I could get a job, or do some projects. Or we could have a baby, or I could do some more paid internships, maybe we could travel? I know you have work but we could figure something out.” She reached up and kissed my lips, then quirked her head, “what?”

    I opened my mouth to speak, but then shut it again. After taking a calming breath, I said, “did you say we could have a baby?”

    Dina’s face flushed, “I mean I’d be lying if I were to say I haven’t been thinking about it. But I’m not crazy, we haven’t even been married a year, and we’re both not in the condition to parent right now.” She smiled when she saw me relax, “calm down! I’m not saying let’s go make one right now.”

    Leading her to the couch, I said, “we should talk about this though. We always dodged the whole baby conversation.”

    “Well,” she took my hands in hers, “I do want kids, Farouz.”