♡catch me when i fall ; phan♡

i

dan sat at the foot of his bed, crimson bubbles formed on his wrists from the tiny slits he had created. sticky tears fell down his face as his shoulders shook with unsteady sobs.

he didn't know why he was doing it at this moment in time, he just felt odd and the terrible craving for the blade formed in the pit of his stomach.

dan lived alone in his london apartment next to the pharmacy. he could always hear the crashes of glass bottles being shattered in the alleyway and the blood being spilt from ruthless gangs beating helpless shoplifters.

the stench of butterscotch liquor hung in the air of his bedroom while the brown tinted bottle sat pristinely on the bedside table accompanied by blood covered blades.

dans thoughts raced around like a million bees in his head, yet at the same time he was surprisingly calm. he watched as the maroon drops trickled down his wrist and fell onto his black and white plaid duvet, creating scarlet drops.

i could do it... dan thought to himself, no ones stopping me... yet something was drawing him away from death. the stinging pain was enough to appeal him, for now at least.

he hesitantly took a swig from the bottle of liquor and wiped the excess from his  lips. why can't i bring myself to do it...? dans mind wandered aimlessly as he watched his own blood flow from his pale skin.

he stood up, wobbling at first from the light headedness, but slowly gathered his balance. a shower... yeah that's what i need... something to calm me down...

dan weakly limped into the bathroom, the sound of his scattered footfalls echoing on the walls of the short hallway. he pushed open the white wooden door of the bathroom and tripped on the small blue rug. dan fell face first towards the floor, catching himself on the porcelaine toilet.

his mind was clouded from the alcohol as he tried to regain what just happened. he simply rubbed his eyes and reached weakly towards the shower to turn on the water.

dans vision was blurred but he noticed that within the clean white bathroom there were specks and smears of scarlet.

the cuts on his wrist, he almost forgot.

the chocolate haired man pulled off his t-shirt and examined the light pink scars littered across his chest and abdomen.

dan had always had a rough life since the moment he turned ten. his father abruptly left one day without a word and that left his mother in agony. she's barely even spoken since that day. soon after that young dan fell into depression and developed abandonment issues but then he found the blades.

dans tremulous fingers brushed through his chestnut colored curls as he remember his first self harm cuts. the feeling because addicting and the sight gave him chills. the years following he moved onto his torso and legs before simply returning to his wrists.

he shivered at the cruel memories as they arose in his thoughts. ever since his father left dan's life had been pointless and had only kept going downhill.

in high school he met pj and they became slight friends but never hung out and rarely spoke to each other. dan usually kept to himself and didn't talk much, always hiding his scarred skin from anyone to see.

he turned off the water not wanting a shower anymore, his stomach groaning in pain. he doubled over in pain before vomiting into the white porcelain bowl next to him. with each retch the pounding in his head grew more painful.

buzzing could be heard from his phone on the floor next to him but he was too distracted from the pounding in his head and his guts being spewed in front of him.

dan finally, after what seemed like forever, sat back up and slumped against the wall, wiping the dripping vomit from his chin. he pinched the bridge of his nose and squinted his eyes at the bright bathroom light that shone on his face.

why is my life only getting worse..?