Ryan and I ended up going back to my apartment and kicking it. I took a long shower, reminiscing about last nights events.
Contrary to what I stated in beginning, I'm not completely opposed to doing drugs or drinking - it was just something that had never seemed appealing to me. My parents drank and smoked cigarettes. A lot. Because of this, they ended up being mediocre parents - at best. Their habits kinda turned off my desires to experiment with drugs and or alcohol. Plus before I went off to NYU, my sister, Julie, who had just started high school, we both made a pact to stay sober while we were away from one another.
I think last night I just saw everybody seemingly having the time their lives and it all seemed to be due to the alcohol and I just wanted to experience a good time like them. And I did, thanks to Rakim of course.
Now, my actions when it came down to Rakim had virtually no explanation. I was literally acting out without making rational, coherent choices in my head on whether or not what I was doing was okay or not or even if I was personally okay with what I was doing. Was I? I guess I was. I think I was just horny and he was there and he wanted to bone and I was drunk and well yeah. Except we didn't bone. We basically just dry humped each other like 8th graders.
Rakim totally could have gotten laid last night, whether it had been with me or with some other random girl at the party, he literally could have sex with anyone. So why didn't he? He didn't make any moves on me, he literally just smoked me out and made out with me. That's so high school - middle school even. I don't know his deal but luckily, I probably won't ever see him again. NYU is a big school and I'm pretty sure he's not a student, so our chances of running into each other are slim to non existent.
After I was done contemplating life itself in the shower, I changed into some sweats and a tee and slipped on fuzzy socks and met Ryan in my bed. He had on his reading glasses, watching Cutthroat kitchen, my favorite show. I slipped into bed with him, cuddling up into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.
"That took a while," he said, once I was settled.
"Yeah, I was thinking about stuff," I admitted to him.
"What stuff?" he asked.
"I don't know, last night was confusing," I vaguely explained.
"How so? What happened?" he asked me again.
"I got cross faded. That's weird for me. I hardly even drink and whenever I do for the first time in forever, I also decide to get high? I just don't know what I was thinking, if I was even thinking at all," I ramble.
"It's alright, Sophia. We're 19, babe, we're grown. We can do things like that and it's not a big deal," he said.
"I know, I know...it's just the whole thing with Julie and my parents. I feel like I let her down, ya know?" I sighed.
"I know, baby," he cooed "She's 14 in high school, you're 19 and in college; she'll understand that you're just living the college life."
I purse my lips, thinking about what he said. I don't know if she'll understand. I am grown, I'm free to do as I please but my sister and I have special type of bond and I know that our deal meant something to her and it meant something to me too and I don't want her to get the wrong idea and I think I wasn't being honest when I made the pact.
"You're right," I finally respond to him. He kisses me cheek and doesn't say anything else. It's like this for a while before my phone vibrates, the screen illuminating, Annie being the caller ID.
"Hey," I greet her.
"Hey, you sober?" she asks.
"Yeah, you?" I chuckle.
