Adria was at Ron's house until 5 PM , and she left to go to this river area not too far from their house. She just had a change of clothes and went there by herself , of course bringing her phone. Ron insisted to come but she refused , saying , she needs a few moments to take these thoughts away.
So there she sat looking at the sun set , the river reflecting it's red , orange , and yellow colors. She sat on the slopes , rereading those messages from years and years ago. She noticed that , it became less frequent this year , and that he only chats her when he needs something , instead of chatting her for a good conversation.
It isn't worth crying for anyway.
Then , she never really did cry. She was just left with a heavy , a very heavy heart. It hurt a lot actually. But , instead of sulking and being selfish , she thought about Ron. She knew about his feelings for her , even if she would deny it and say he was joking. He is her bestfriend , of course she would know. Thinking about the words he said , it feels as if Ron is carrying a much heavier burden on his shoulders. Instead of sulking about his own insecurities , Ron was there for Adria at times she needed him , thus adding more burdens on his own shoulders knowing that she was miserable about a silly crush. It hurt a lot for him.
Adria badly wanted to show Ron she cares about him too. How she badly wants to say I love you , (as a friend) but she knows now isn't the right time. Ron might think Adria is saying that to cover up her feeling for Jay and use Ron as a substitute. Now isn't the right time. Ron must've had more pain the Adria.
"But still , it hurts." She mumbled.
"He doesn't even have the slightest idea of how much I like him though. Nobody in my class knows." She thought as well.
I knew it would come to this. It was all planned out right in front of my own eyes. As much as I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me , I can't , and now , I never will. I'm slowly giving up , I want to. I just want to go throw these feelings away in a trashbin. It'll pass they say. I've waited for ten damn years. Out of all the students who would stay back from middle school , it had to be you and Candice. You don't know how much I've wanted to be in her place , how much I wanted to be her. The way you both talk , laugh , or even just the way you look into each other's eyes. When I look into your eyes , I have a glimpse of the galaxies , just a millisecond before you turn away. It's as if you're ignoring me. What have I ever done to you? How come you never talk to me at school? Not .. Not even once. GOSH JUST FRUCKING GET OVER IT YOU LITTLE PUSSY! Who the ef would even like a girl like you?! You're ugly , you suck at academics , heck you don't even have any talents , and you're not the girl he'd call his sunshine.
How do I throw these feelings away? I'd be too over active if I'll go suicidal , people like that experience more depression and pain than what I go through.
Calm down. Calm down. Be figurative and sound cool af even if you're sad. It'll make you feel better.
I feel like I'm a ghost. Lifeless , obscure. The more I try to be with you , the more I fade. Why? It's because as much as I want to be with you , the more I find out that I'm nobody in your life. And when I try and do my final move , just one more step forward , I was shot. Shot by reality itself. Reality slapped me , kicked me , punched me. What else ? All I can do now is read all the old text messages you send me. Did that rhyme? Did I sound cool? Ah crap. These feelings make me more of a dork than I already am.
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