Finding Our Love

Ultimatum.....

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Aryanna.

My feelings have been a little out of whack since the night before. I can't shake the feeling that I'm wasting time. Yes I love Justin. I love him with everything in me. But still I can't shake this feeling. The next morning I got up early before the sun had rose and decided to take a walk on the beach. I softly released myself from his grip and sighed before throwing on a pair of shorts and a loose tshirt with some sandals. I opened the back door quietly and left out in the direction of the beach. After walking for a little while I stopped and sat in the sand removing my sandals to feel the sand between my toes. Sighing I pulled my knees to my chest. I wasn't wrong for feeling like this was I? I couldn't make sense of my feelings and usually when I felt like this I would go directly to my man and talk with him until I figured them out but this time I couldn't. How was I suppose to talk to him without it sounding like 'Marry me and start a family with me', even though I'm pretty sure that's what I wanted to say. But I'm content with how things are now. I'm not unhappy with him it because I am happy. I just don't know.
Looking out toward the sunset that was beginning to rise I began to play with the sand. Maybe the fact that Kacie announced that she was pregnant and Bre getting married triggered my feelings because I wanted that. I want that so badly with Justin but he's not ready. I'm far from jealous of them because they deserve happiness but so do I. Am I jealous? Maybe I am. I don't know. I know I talked Brea into proposing and telling her to throw caution to the wind but honestly I wasn't that bold. I knew Trey would say yes but Justin he'll just walk away and avoid the situation then eventually sweet talk me into waiting until he was ready.
"Ughh!!" I yelled releasing all my built up frustrations after releasing myself from my inner pitiful thoughts.

"God what do I do?" I questioned and waited in silence before continuing.

"Give me a sign that I'm not wasting my time with him. I love him so much and I thank you and pray for him everyday. Please don't let me being back with him be a mistake. I need this God to be right this time. Please." I begged then paused.

"Please God. I need this. I really really need this." I finished then began lifting my head up to notice that the sun was fully up. I knew I should get up and head back to the house before Justin woke but I couldn't move.

Justin.

"I thought I would find you out here." I said plopping down next to her. She stayed looking out towards the water. I followed her gaze noticing that she was zoned out into her thoughts. I waved my hand back and forth in front of her face a few times before I lightly shook her, scaring her.
"What?" She sighed when she noticed it was me. The smile on my face disappeared into a frown at that.
"What's wrong baby?"

She shook her head as if it was nothing. I know this girl like the back of my hand. Something was bothering her and it was heavy in her mind.
"Come on Ary. What is it."

"Nothing Justin. I'm fine." She said irritated like.
Instead of saying anything back I just sat next to her watching the water. A few minutes later she reached over and grabbed my hand sighing. I wasn't sure if I should pull her closer but I did and held her in my hands. "Whatever it is you can talk to me about it when you're ready. I love you ok?" I said kissing the top of her head but she never said anything back and that's when I noticed she wasn't listening again.

I immediately began trying to rake my brain of all the possible reasons that she could be upset about but I ultimately ended up in nothing. We were doing great in my opinion and we had squashed the baby talk when I confessed I didn't want one at the moment so it couldn't be that because I know once I decide something she's automatically ok with the decision.  So I'm not sure what it could be but whatever it was, it's really bothering my baby and I just want to fix it but I can't if she won't talk to me.
"You ready to go?" I asked her and she nodded.