Room 206 - Luke Hemmings

forty-four

I knew he wasn't going to reply, but I called him anyways. I still left him messages for the following week. I reread his letter twice a day and cried every time I did. I went about my day. I cried in the shower and made myself food, and gradually packed my things for college as my parents were at work.

Eleanor called me and checked in just to make sure things were alright. And I guess they were, aside from the constant pain settled in my chest and the urge to hold myself together no matter what. I tried to read to get my mind off of it, but had no such luck. My mind was plagued. I'd never felt so strongly for anyone before, not even Alex. Luke was all I wanted.

My parents seemed unaware of my off feelings all week. I watched TV with them when they got home and ate the food my mother made for dinner and even complimented the pie she made for our dessert. I went to bed early so they wouldn't know I was actually in my room sulking and staring at the ceiling, wishing things had turned out differently.

I decided that after a week of the same thing over and over again, I needed out. I pulled myself together and went outside, walking around downtown London to try and clear my mind. People walked around me unaware, and I wished I could be like them. No one but me knew I was in pain, and I wished for that kind of bliss.

I found myself walking into a park that El and I used to go to when we were younger in the summer months while we weren't away at school. I sat down on a swing and rocked myself back and forth a few times before giving up and sitting on the grass outside the playground, laying on my back and looking up at the clear blue sky. Mostly clear, anyways. A cloud that looked like something between a cat and a turtle was in the sky directly above me, and I found myself watching it change and transform, convincing myself that I would be like that too someday.

Maybe, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I wasn't going to be with Luke. Maybe there was someone else out there waiting for me, even though he seemed perfect to me right then. All I wanted was Luke, but I told myself over and over again that there was someone out there for me, even if it wasn't going to be Luke.

I stood up, running my hand through my chaos of hair that I hadn't had the energy to keep up on all week to get the excess grass out of it and began walking down the sidewalk. I passed a few trees, stopping and touching them, taking deep breaths and trying to appreciate nature instead of dwelling on my misfortunes. I stopped when I glanced around the tree my hand was resting on, not believing my own eyes when I saw Luke himself sitting on a bench with a small dog, the dog drinking out of a little water bowl. He reached down and scratched the dog behind the ears, his little tail wagging at his touch. Oh how I missed his touch.

Telling myself that it had to be a sign, seeing him here with me, I knew this was my one chance. He wasn't going to answer my calls or messages. This was it. If I didn't fix things now, I never would.

I took a deep breath, keeping my composure as I walked towards the bench. I quietly sat down, the puppy looking at me and wagging his tail.

"I didn't know you were much of a park person," I said softly. He seemed to notice me for the first time, looking over at me, and then immediately turning around and standing up to walk away.

"No, Luke, please!" I jumped up and grabbed his arm, pulling him back around to talk to me. He didn't fight me this time. He sighed and sat down, and I noticed the dark circles under his blue eyes that weren't there before.

"You have to let me explain," I said, his arm slipping from my hands. "Just give me 5 minutes."

"Go on." He looked down at the ground instead of at my face and I knew this was going to be hard.

I couldn't stop them from coming. "I swear, I never meant for any of that to happen." Tears began pouring from my eyes. "I didn't know what Alex's intentions were, I had my guard up. I knew something was fishy from the time he came to the party from the way he was trying to pull me away from everyone at every chance he got. I only went outside to get some air, I was worried that I wouldn't get a second alone with you the entire time I was at the party because there were so many people."

"That doesn't explain why when I walked outside I found you lip-locked with that lying, cheating scumbag!" Luke snapped.

"I know, please just let me explain," I said. "I went outside to breathe a little bit and he followed me out. I was a little skeptically of it, so I kept my guard up and I thought that knowing Alex he would give me a little more warning about leaning in to try and kiss me but he didn't. I wasn't even looking at him, he took my face and kissed me and I swear I was pulling away. It was all at the wrong place and time. You know I would never do that to you, Luke. I am different. I never wanted to hurt you and I never wanted Alex to even follow me out into my mother's garden. All I ever wanted was you all along. I know I fucked up but please, Luke, you have to believe me. I don't talk to Alex anymore and I have no intentions to ever speak with him again, especially after all of this happened."

He sat in silence, his puppy jumping up onto the bench with him and jumping into his lap.

"Luke, please. I'm in love with you. You're all I want. I want to be with you, no one else." I sat down on the bench next to him in defeat.

When he sighed and I saw the hesitation in his face, it all started coming together. I realized that I had been in this situation before. Whether it was the same instance and the same feelings didn't matter. I explained my side. I sucked out all the poison and I tried my best. Apparently it wasn't enough.

"Daisy, I just need some time to think."

I shook my head, my vision clouded with even more of my tears. "It's always going to be like that, isn't it? I've been through this too many times, Luke. I've done my part. I told you how I feel about you. If you were truly as in love with me as you said you were in that letter, you wouldn't need 'time to think' about every instance where you have to decide your feelings for me."

Luke up from the ground at me. "You read that?"

I got up and walked away. I walked back towards my house, ignoring his final comment. When he called my name I began running. I didn't need to be waiting around for someone who can't make up their mind. Eleanor's words played through my mind; it was his mistake. And as much as it hurt, she was right. I didn't need to be hurting all the time because he can't decide if my minor mistakes are worth being with me or not.

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A/N: I actually had chest pains writing this because it was making me so sad ugh

so since I'm on winter break I'm going to try and update once a day until I finish this which means I could potentially be done with this entire story by the end of the week and its such a bittersweet feeling 

thank you all so so much for all the votes, reads and comments. especially the comments! they're so fun and interesting to read, please leave more if you want! x