Room 206 - Luke Hemmings

forty-five

Sitting at home after I blew my top with Luke, I realized finally how much of a fool I was for thinking it could ever work between the two of us. He was my teacher for crying out loud. How could I not have been realistic about this before? I let myself dig too deep of a hole and now I was hurting horribly for it.

The more I thought about it, the harder it became to believe that he truly wanted to be with me in a way that was more than just hooking up with your teacher/student. I was in love with him but I knew there was no way he could be in love with me. 

My mind clouded with all the memories of the times he would pick on me in English and we'd both be so smug about it, knowing we'd end up fucking afterwards. I thought about the times I would laugh with him during our tutoring sessions at something stupid, the way his face and eyes lit up when he smiled. He had the most beautiful smile. It didn't seem real. I convinced myself that it was all a figment of my imagination. That I'd somehow glorified what had really happened between us into thinking that we were in love, just caught in the wrong circumstances. But my life isn't a movie or some romance novel. This is reality and I needed to wake up and face it. 

As hard as it was to face, I began thinking maybe there is no one out there who will truly love me and be crazy about me. As far as I'm concerned Luke is still all I want. I'm not sure I'd deny him if he came crawling back to me simply because I love him with all my existence and I wished more than anything that he'd be as crazy about me as I am about him. He isn't and he never will be. 

And somehow, through all of this I cannot cry anymore. The lump in my throat forms and my mouth goes dry, and the pain in my chest is so prominent but my eyes have ran out of tears to shed. 

I decided to start filling my emptiness with just packing for college. I had half of my miscellaneous junk packed away by the time my parents were home from work. My mother knocked on my door as I was packing up another box, poking her head in smiling at me.

"Daisy, I've just received a letter from BPP in the mail for you," she said, walking in and handing me the envelope. I opened it, glancing over it telling me something about the dorms. 

I set it back down on my bed and went back to my box. "It's just about the dorms."

"Do you mind if I look at it?" she asked.

"Go ahead," I said, continuing to wrap my little glass trinkets in newspaper as I packed them into my box. My mom started talking about the dorms and the benefits of being able to stay in them as you go into college and her experiences in dorms while she was in college, but I wasn't listening. I was off in some daydream about what it would be like if Luke had just happened to be my age and we were going to college together, as a happy couple. 

"Daisy," my mother's voice suddenly pulled me away from my thoughts. 

"Yes, mother?" I put my trinket in the box and looked at her.

"Dear, you seem so off from your usual self? Are you doing alright?" she asked me, stepping into my bedroom more and sitting on my bed. 

"Oh, yeah," I said. "I'm just worried about college. I know I shouldn't be because I'm used to going away from home every year but this is different."

"Oh Daisy, you're going to do great," she said. "You have been great at everything you do, and your father and I raised you to be independent. You are so ready for college, your grades and your ambition tell everyone so." 

"Thank you mother," I managed to smile at her despite the fact that her pep talk didn't do me any favors because college was in fact, the least of my worries. 

"Come on, Daisy," she said, standing up. "Your father should be finishing up dinner pretty soon." 

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A/N: I know this is a really short update but I'm going to try and write one more tonight to make up for it. 

there's only 5 more chapters after this!