Visions (Oliver Sykes)

Only the dead have seen the end of this fight.

It was really weird how one of your first friends ever didn't notice that you were far from being as fine as you pretended to be. By then, Lee was asleep on the couch, some stupid TV show still on while I made my way to my bathroom. I thought I actually began to hear my shower calling me, so I decided not to wait any longer before feeling the warm water roll down my body, relaxing every muscle along its way.

There was this great thing about water. It made my mind shut up. As long as the liquid touched me, everything was so clear. It was just as if the fog that's been following me everywhere had disappeared. It was a really good feeling to be able to see things from a better position. Getting out of the shower, I dressed up and went back to the living room, to a Lee still visibly deeply asleep.

"I'm going for a walk." I muttered, leaving a note on the table, so he wouldn't panic if he woke up.

It might have been late at night but I loved feeling the cold air on my face, the stars looking down at me, the darkness surrounding me. It made me remember that, at night, you didn't need to pretend to be someone you were not. I was most likely messed up and probably weak but just for a few hours, it was okay.

Walking down a dozen of streets, I finally arrived where I used to go when I felt numb. Where I've always hoped I could find comfort. There was an old bench in the middle of the woods, where no one ever seemed to come. The view from it was breathtaking, at least it was to me. The trees formed a few, very straight lines. You could almost see through the entire forest if you looked right. For now, all you could see was the moon shining sadly in the dark sky, on the horizon. But it was something very beautiful.

It was hard being attracted to someone you barely knew, the way the moon was attracted to our Earth. It was hard because they seemed so perfect and you felt like you, with all your flaws, your imperfections, were never going to be good enough. Since you didn't know anything about that person, you couldn't see that they weren't as perfect as you were imagining them. It took me a while to understand that not everybody I was meeting was perfect while I knew I was fucked up. I had an even harder time getting the fact that nothing was perfect, and could never be.

It wasn't fair that all kids grew up believing in anything that could be perfect, things like God, their parents, their friends or anything, and then their idea of the world collapsed when they realised while growing up that everything had flaws. It was why a lot of people were broken. Because they wanted to be perfect, but nobody was.

I opened my eyes and breathed out loudly. It felt nice to be able to get some things out of my head. It made me feel a little more sane.

Right then, my eyes met a pair of shining blue eyes. I couldn't see anything but that stare. I quickly closed and reopened my eyes but it wasn't there anymore.

I had that same feeling I got in my nightmares stuck in my guts. The one when I was scared but at the same time relieved. There wasn't any wolf there. It was just my mind playing tricks on me. I should have stayed at home. It did that to me almost everytime I came there. I was perhaps starting to confuse real life and what I made up myself. It wouldn't surprise me.

I stood up and began to walk back home. It was weird to know it was almost Christmas, already. I remembered last Christmas like it was yesterday. One of the worst days of my life. I used to love that time of the year, with the events that happened. But then, when everybody began to point out everything that I couldn't do right, I couldn't take it. I couldn't just keep on sitting quietly there and pretend it didn't bother me. So I got away. I ran away. Since then, every Christmas, every New Year's eve, every single one of my birthdays was spent on my own. I hated that, more than anything, but still, it was better than being belittled by everybody.