"Because I love you."
Jaebum looked straight into the boy's eyes and stayed silent. He had never imagined that Youngjae could actually like him, let alone love him. He's always thought that Youngjae liked him as a best friend, a brother.
It was surprising but not in a bad way. He came back for him after all, so why would he be displeased ?
"Yes, that's right. I love you."
≫ A week ago
"Im Jaebum?" a voice called at the counter.
"Yes ?" asked Jaebum as he was wiping a table in a corner of the café. "How can I help you ?"
He lifted his head to see who was looking for him. There was a man and a woman standing near the counter, his co-worker giving him a questioning look from where he was. The man leaned towards the woman who was beside him. "Is that him?" he half-whispered. Jaebum couldn't hear her answer but began to feel anxious. He didn't know either of them and they seemed to know him. They were looking for him.
"Can we talk for a bit?" the woman asked, not bothering a smile.
"Uh, yes? I guess we can." Jaebum answered nervously.
"Let's sit."
"Actually I'm on the middle of a shift and-"
"It won't be long."
"A-Ah, y-y-yes."
Jaebum almost rushed to sit at the table where the two already were. He didn't know what he was so afraid of but he couldn't get himself to calm down. The man leaned towards the woman once again. "I thought you said he had a daddy kink ? How can someone like him have a daddy kink ?"
Jaebum's eyes widened. They knew his name, where to find him and even his sexual fantasies. Whatever they wanted from him, he was done for. And definitely sweating.
"We're here to talk about Youngjae."
Youngjae. A name he hadn't heard for so long. It wasn't like he had forgotten him, he still thought about him quite often, but his name sounded so old, like a person Jaebum knew in his past life. It made him totally confused. People he didn't know came here to talk to him about an old friend he hasn't seen for two years.
If they were here for Youngjae, they should definitely know him. It actually made sense. He was certainly the one to inform them about him. But he didn't get where Youngjae would get his location or why they were here in the first place.
"At least what is left of him" precised the man, only to get a "shut up" thrown at him from his colleague.
"Don't mind him."
"How do you know Youngjae? Why are you here to talk about him?"
But suddenly, the thought hit him.
"Is he... dead?"
Jaebum was paralyzed. So much thoughts were running on his mind and yet he couldn't get his body to react. He didn't want to hear about it like that. He'd never thought he would get to hear about Youngjae's death like that. He couldn't believe it, it was too premature.
He felt so selfish, thinking about his feelings and how he was hurt instead of asking when or how it happened. He was certainly the last one to know about it, and it hurt him a little more.
"Well" started the man, "you can say that"
He felt his heart break and before he knew it, he was clenching his fists and gripping his pants to keep the tears from falling. It was harder to hear than everything he'd ever heard. It ached so much that he wanted to be the dead one, to exchange his life against Youngjae's, to just disappear.
"Don't say that! Look what you did, he looks like he's about to cry !"
"But you know it's the truth !"
"Youngjae is alive and you know it!"
"His heart is dead, his will is dead !
"Jaebum, don't listen to him, okay? Youngjae is alive and well."
"What do you mean well ? He tried to kill himself three weeks ago."
"What ?" interfered Jaebum.
"Just listen to me, Jaebum. Youngjae is.. well he's.. not really in a good state. But! I'm sure he will be better if you come see him. You can do that, right?"
≫ Present
"I'm sorry" muttered Jaebum. "I'm really sorry."
"Shut up" simply said Youngjae.
"Youngjae I-"
"I said shut up!" he screamed "I don't want to hear it, okay? I know that you don't love me, I know it all ! I know that you didn't come on your own but that someone brought you here because I am like this ! I know that you have a happy life and I am no one to meddle into it. Just. Shut up.
"So you think I'm happy ?"
"Yes. I heard it from Jinyoung. And from Yugyeom. And also from Yura, Minhyuk, Dongwoo, Sanghyuk and Taehwan. And from Mark, too."
"What do they know about me ? Do they know me better than you do ? Do they understand my feelings ? Are they sure about what I'm living ?" asked Jaebum "Stop fucking believing what they tell you damnit !" he finished, yelling.
"I believe it because these are the only things that I know about you, you fucker !" responded Youngjae, even louder.
Jaebum didn't answer, too shocked by his sudden yelling that he'd never heard before.
"You're such a jerk" muttered Youngjae as tears came to his eyes. "How could you leave and let me like that ?"
"Youngjae.."
"You don't know what it was to stay alone all this time. All I needed was you to be by my side."
Jaebum felt the urge to bring him into his arms. He had been waiting for the right moment to do so and now, it was the time. He didn't want to come inappropriate but he would certainly be.
"I've been waiting for you to come back for so long." Youngjae said, burying his head into Jaebum's neck. "And now I hate you so much."
'No, you don't. You love me."
"I love you."
"That's right, I love you."
"What?"
"What?"
