Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop |Joji|

Chapter 14: Life goes on

February 2, 2016
Three years has passed since I last saw George. I gave up many months after on trying to get him back. I've spent most of my time smoking packs and packs of cigarettes. I graduated from Law school years ago but it's been hard finding a law firm that will accept me. Alejandro let me work again when I explained to him what I was going through. He knew that I wasn't capable of cheating, especially on George. Fuck, he was the only thing I'd talk about at work. I was promoted as his assistant in 7/11. Doesn't pay me much but it helps with the bills and food.

As for my love life, dates with complete strangers couldn't fill the emptiness I felt. No one night stand ever made me feel like George did. Everyone told me to just move on, but how? How can you forget everything? How can you live knowing that you're leaving so many good memories with that person behind? How do you wake up one day and realize that you don't love them anymore? I act like I got over him, but it's hard to fall in love with a different person when you still love your ex. When they gave you all the happiness you needed. When you know you did nothing wrong to lose them. But that's how life is, right? You don't always get what you want, and I've come to accept it. We don't have the choice to change the past, or to choose what happens after. We live thinking on what the consequences would be afterwards; the "What ifs?" Nothing can be done to alternate our future. Nothing...

Now, I'm waiting for my new boyfriend, Alex Sanders, to pick me up for our usual weekend getaway. Alex isn't really that out of this world. Hazel eyes, light skin, curly short hair, tall and slightly muscular, a doctor at Manhattan's hospital, not so deep voice, and a captivating smile. I met him at a subway, as in a restaurant. I accidentally bumped into him while getting my order and we "connected." We've been together for ten months now. He's deeply in love and I simply feel lonely. The only reason I'm with Alex is because he makes me feel whole, complete. For a while, I guess.

---

The car ride was quiet for a while. Music playing softly in the background, the car heater on because it's still really cold in New York, especially in the north side which that's where we're heading to. I was staring at the scenery, trying to count all the trees when Alex suddenly spoke,

"Oh shit, one of my favorite artists on SoundCloud posted two new songs not so long ago!" I looked at him confused. Which underground artist who thinks has talent could it be?

"Who, my dear?" I cringe internally every time I call him any sweet name. It just doesn't feel the same.

"His name is Joji. His music is good, like-" After he mentioned the artist's name, I blocked everything, I couldn't hear anything. My eyes widened at the realization of who he was talking about. Could it be George? I asked him for his phone so I can see a photo of Joji. "Play one of his songs while you're at it. You'll love his music." Alex said, eyes still locked on the road.

I stared at the thumbnail of the song. It is George. It's the man I still love to this day, wearing a black beanie, white shirt and reading glasses, and with a groomed, short beard. The song displayed is called "You Suck Charlie." It started with some Japanese phrases and then a melancholic beat.

Baby, baby
She never speaks to me
Sorry
I never see you, I never see you, I
Never see you, I never see you,
I never see you anymore.

My eyes teared up as I kept listening to the song. It was obvious; it is about me. Could this mean that he's not over us? After all these years? I stared out towards the horizon, trying to control my emotions. I am next to my boyfriend after all.

Baby, can you be a little bit stronger?
Baby, cause I need a little longer.
You're an earthly comfort
Yet so divine, yet so divine
I never see you anymore.

When the song came to an end, his next one, "Thom," started playing. It sounded a little bit similar to the last one, but it was based more on rap.

Searching for the weekend love.
Searching where the leaves don't fall.

---

"So, how did you like his songs?" Alex asked excitedly. I couldn't answer him. I sat there quiet, staring out the window. "Babe? Are you okay?" He sounded worried, putting his hand softly on my left thigh.

"Yeah yeah. I was just thinking about the songs. The meaning behind them." 

"Oh, yeah. He's probably repentant about his decision. He might of loved that girl so much, and seeing her go hurt him badly. Maybe even after everything he just wants her to be emotionally stable. Maybe, like many people, if she's happy without him then he'll be happy for her." At this point, I couldn't contain myself. Tears started flowing down my cheeks. I was practically sobbing and Alex didn't understand why. You see, I've never talked about my past to him. You never mention to your new lover about your past ones.

After long minutes of nonstop crying, I was able to control myself. Alex helped by trying to comfort me with nice words, not asking why I had that mental breakdown. Next thing you know it's nighttime and we reached our destination. It was a small and cozy hotel situated in Buffalo.

When we got in and put our baggages in a corner of the common hotel room, I threw myself onto the bed. Alex cuddled up behind, kissing my neck multiple times and caressing my arm. I shoved him softly away from me and said,

"I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood right now." He let out a long sigh, kissed my shoulder, and turned to the other side.

"I see. Goodnight then, Sarah."

"Goodnight, Alex." I hope you can actually sleep. Unlike me, I'll be thinking about George all night. About those two songs. Should I had run behind him that day? Should I had stopped him from leaving me?

Questions left unanswered, but not for long. When I get back to Brooklyn, I'm searching for him. I'm going to look for the man I'm madly in love with, even if it takes me days, weeks, or even an eternity...

I will find you, Joji, and when I do I'm not letting you go.