FADE ; l.t.

chapter iv. PAiN

chapter iv. PAiN

pain is inevitable. suffering is optional.

"what if
pain
was
an option?
what if
pain
could be
forgotten."

"then,
stella,
I'd be
the
happiest boy
in the world.

and
I'd quite
like it
if
you'd
join me in
forgetting"

and,
like
the grinch,
my heart
swelled
three sizes
that day.

-----

sometimes,
I wonder
how
wonderful
it would be
to smile.

that it
would
not be
fake.
maybe,
just maybe,
worthwhile.

"what
would
make you
happy,
stella?"

"to be
okay.
have
someone,
maybe;
a friend"

"is louis
your
friend?"

"I don't
know;
sort of."

"why?"

"we
both feel
similar,
is why.
we
both feel
pain."

"I see.

do you
like
louis?"

"yes,
I do."

"do you
really
like
him,"

"I don't
know.

I don't
like
letting
people
in."

"you
want to
let louis in,
though."

"no."

that was a lie.

I want
to let him in;
but
I can't.

I don't
want to
scare him
away.

I've done that
far
too much.
I'm tired;
of
everything.
I can't
forget;
he is
a star.

and i--
although,
I have
tried--
can not be
a star.

I feel
something
familiar;
pain,
again.
I
don't want
pain;
only a
friend.

I remember
"destroy what
destroys
you"
and
asteroids
--stars--
they fly
down
to the earth.

----

I felt
the wind
whip, and
saw
the sun
setting on the
horizon.
everything
was calm.

once
again I
tried:
to become
a star--and
fly
like
an asteroid
down
to the
ground;
to escape
pain
and not
suffer.

to fly
to
my
demise.

but
there was
a hand,
wrapped
tightly
around my
wrist,

he
frowned
and said

"don't
leave me
with these
idiots"