FADE ; l.t.

chapter viii. FADiNG

chapter viii. FADiNG

Louis told me he loved me. I didn't see it coming, when we stared out at the sunrise on the roof (a time that we decided was a great time to "forget"). He had the largest smile on his face as mine contorted in suprise.

I told him I didn't understand, that he could have so much better. He told me I was wrong, that I was all he ever wanted. But he's wrong. I'm nothing. He doesn't understand.

The next week I ignored him, and I thought, a lot. About all the horrible choices I made fueled by the fire that was my pain but the butterflies in my stomach made me wish for something I couldn't have. Something simple. And I worked so hard that what once was silver is fading away.

And on Wednesday night, I was seated on the roof. Louis came out the door as I smoked a cigarette, and he frowned, sitting next to me.

After taking a slow drag the smoke flowed out of my mouth; a cloud of lost hope, fading into the night.

And the stars shone down, and again i felt lost; misplaced. he didn't understand. just like everyone else

I spoke, and said "i'm fading away..."

i handed him the cigarette, and i frowned; a little more dead.

Before he could say anything else, I shook my head "and, i'm okay with that"

I stood on the edge and said "I'm sorry, Louis. But you don't understand. You made me feel like a star -- you did -- but I was not supposed to be a star, Louis. I never was."

A yell echoed behind me as my feet found the air, tears found my eyes and thoughts found my mind. I was a star, for a moment, when Louis confessed his love.

Although I was no longer a star, just a little fading mark.